


Of Sisters, Summer, Drummers and so much more

by Azile_Teacup



Series: Of Sisters, Summer, Drummers and so much more [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Community: kinkme_merlin, F/F, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, mention of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azile_Teacup/pseuds/Azile_Teacup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for this kinkme prompt: Arthur/Merlin, modern au</p><p>Arthur is a boring history teacher, shy and quiet with no real life...<br/>Morgana is his sister, a famous rock/pop star who parties and sleeps around<br/>Merlin is Morgana's new drummer<br/>Gwen is a fellow teacher at Arthur's school.</p><p>They all meet at one of Morgana's concerts. (happy ending with arthur/merlin, gwen/morgana please!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Rape/non-con is mentioned, as is drug use and abuse, minor character deaths (two, cannon) and grief. There is a little sequel and a few little snippets on the way. I know Arthur's a bit OOC, sorry about that.

“But I don't want to go to your concert!... right, right. Gig. Fine, I said fine! Gig... I still don't want to go... I have essays.... I am not!... Well, last wee... why doesn't Leon count?.... Fine.... yes... no... Fine!... Can I bring Gwen?.... But... Please.... Yes! We'll see you then. Later.”

Arthur sighs and glares at his phone as if it's Morgana herself in his hand.

“What's wrong? Where are we going?”

“Morgana's stinky concert. She was being a douche.”

“You've been spending too much time with your students. Stinky? Douche?”

Arthur shakes himself and turns back to where Gwen is curled up in her designated chair in his hooded jumper.

“You look better. How are you feeling, sicky?”

“Better actually. Sleeping has helped.”

“Good. When does your neighbour finish renovating?”

“Not till next week. Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Any time, you know that. Miss Smith.”

If she's going to call him a student he's going to call her Miss Smith. She hates it.

“Shut it.”

“Sorry. Wallace and Gromit?”

“Sure. Can we watch the moon one?”

“A grand day out. Remains the best of all of them.”

Arthur puts the DVD in and presses play, drawing the huge stack of A-level mock essays he has to mark by tomorrow. Gwen sneezes. Arthur laughs and throws a box of tissues at her without looking up.

By Friday he's inundated with essays, students keep catching him up as he leaves college with more essays. He's struggling with the stack of paper when someone yells his name. He turns and the precarious pile topples.

“Oh for... Gilli! What is it? Essay?”

“Yeah.”

“I'll mark it over the weekend if I have time. If you don't mind?”

Arthur gestures to the mess of paper with his free hand and Gilli stoops to help him gather it. Arthur bends and tries to keep an arm round the papers he still holds and scoop up the rest.

“Sir, don't worry. I'll get it.”

“Thank you, Gilli.”

Arthur straightens and works on getting the pile in his arm under control as Gilli scrabbles around on the floor.

“Using your students as servants again, Arthur?”

Arthur spins again, pile precarious, but Gwen catches the remaining stack before it can fall.

“Thank you! I already dropped half. He offered. As you have those now, though...”

Arthur bends and quickly gathers the papers still on the floor. Gilli gives him the rest with a smile.

“Is yours there, Gilli?”

“Oh! No.”

Arthur watches, more than a little amused, as Gilli searches his bag. He can't help laughing when a rubber mouse and a book fall out.

“Oh Gilli, when are you going to get organised?”

Arthur picks up the fallen items and hands them back, receiving the essay in return.

“Never, Sir.”

“Of course. I'm sure this is fine, Gilli. Your work is very precise, nice to read.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Right. Have a good weekend.”

“You too Sir.”

Gilli jerks then runs off. Arthur turns back to Gwen and sneezes. She blinks at him, then laughs.

“Bless you, and hello to you too.”

“Hey. Think I'm getting your cold. That's the fourth time I've sneezed today and it's all your fault.”

“Sorry. Here, have your essays. On second thoughts I'm going to carry these.”

She turns and makes for his office and Arthur has no choice but to follow her. She strides through the college clearing a path in the milling students easily. Arthur follows, shambling along grinning at the students who've jumped clear.

“Hey Sophia, Vivian, have a good weekend.”

“You too Sir.”

“Nice hair cut, Mordred.”

He gets a glare for that.

“Hello, Freya. Nice essay. Haven't marked it yet, read it though. Good argument.”

“Thank you, Mr. Pendragon.”

“Have a good weekend, Nim.”

“Thank you Arthur.”

Gwen bangs his office door open and shoves the stack of papers into the gap left specifically for the essays on his neat desk.

“You're such a... never mind. Is there anyone who's name you don't know?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Who?”

“Don't know their...”

Arthur has to stop to sneeze again.

“Dammit! If I get your lurgy...”

“You'll what, sneeze on me?”

“Shut up. Right. What do I need? Briefcase.”

Arthur scoops essays, tests and another stack of half marked essays into his case, gathers his mark book, pens and lunch box as well as a packet of tissues and turns, spreading his arms.

“Ready.”

“Good. Shall we? My car's round the front.”

“I hate having to leave my bike here. Bloody Morgana and her bloody campaign.”

“What is it this time?”

“Get Arthur Socialising, Please. Or GASP. She's such a weirdo.”

“She's lovely.”

“You mean her boobs are lovely. Admit it! You think she's hot.”

“She's lovely.”

Arthur changes at Gwen's. In about a quarter of the time it takes her to get ready. She can't decide what to wear, how to do her make up, how to do her hair. He's bombarded with questions about Morgana's favourite colour, favourite shoes, favourite skirt line. In the end he goes to sleep on the couch in defence.

“Arthur. Wakey wakey.”

He wakes with a grunt and sees Gwen's face right next to his. He yells and tries to get away, knocking his head into the shelf behind him.

“Ow!”

“Silly. Just me. Shall we go? Or are you not feeling good.”

“I feel fine. Why?”

“You keep sneezing.”

“Oh! Yeah, I was teasing you.”

“You're not sneezing?”

“No! Yes! I am. Allergies, though. I thought you worked that out. How long have you known me?”

“Long time.”

“And how many Aprils have passed without me sneezing?”

“None.”

“Right. Shall we? Are you ready at last?”

“Yes.”

She stands and spins for him, blushing shyly. Arthur stands as well and turns her slowly, whistling through his teeth.

“Beautiful. Great dress.”

“You have horrible taste. Despite being gay.”

“Sorry for not conforming to stereotypes. You look nice, all right?”

“Sorry. Thank you.”

She kisses his cheek and then beams, jiggles excitedly and charges out of the house yelling. He follows her with a little head shake, despairing of her sudden fan girl status and wishing he'd never introduced her to Morgana's music and shutting and locking her door with his keys behind him. She honks the horn when he doesn't move fast enough and by the time he gets into the car she has Morgana's latest album blasting, singing along.

“Join in, Arthur! You know that I told you... I couldn't be all that! Come on, I love this song. We made a pact and you broke it, surprise surprise, fancy that.”

“I hate this one. It's awful.”

He skips it and the booming rock is replaced by a mysterious, lonely croak of Morgana's voice. These are the song Arthur actually likes- the ones where Morgana has a chance to really sing and show off her voice.

You gave me blue azaleas when my favourite is white,  
You told me that you love me but I-

Arthur blushes and skips again.

“Hey!”

“That one's about me. And I hate it.”

“Seriously? Really? You're Solomon?”

“Yes.”

“Ha! I thought it was her boyfriend! Yes!”

Arthur laughs and nudges her shoulder.

“Told you, she thinks you're hot too.”

“I thought you were just being nice after I made a tit of myself in front of her.”

“She loved you.”

“I didn't know who she was.”

“She liked that. She likes being recognised and fawned over, sure, but she likes it when people get to know her for just being her, you know?”

“Oh.”

They listen to the music then, Arthur laughing now and again as he picks up the little references thrown in about their childhood.

“She writes about Solomon a lot.”

“We've had a very complex relationship.”

“Oh.”

Gwen pulls up and switches the engine off. In the sudden quiet Arthur's sigh is louder than he intended, even among the yelling and screaming coming from surrounding Morgana fans.

“Are you all right?”

“I hate these things. Come on.”

They get out and join the screaming crowd rushing the stadium. Arthur tries not to get bashed too far away from Gwen when the walkway gets narrower but he's being pushed and shoved from all sides, people yelling in his ear, bodies pressing into his own as if it doesn't belong solely to himself any more.

He doesn't realise he's gasping until Gwen grabs his hand and tucks his arm into her own, pressing herself into his side and getting her mouth to his ear.

“Stop panicking. Breathe, it helps.”

Arthur laughs and tries to relax as she drags him, weaving through hoards of screaming teenagers, until they reach the back of the entrance queue. Gwen stops but Arthur pulls her forwards.

“Come on. It's not for nothing that she's my sister. I get some privileges.”

Arthur marches past the booing queue to the bouncers.

“Arthur Pendragon.”

“Hello, Sir. Come through. We have you down as plus one, is that right?”

“As right as right, Owen. Thanks mate.”

Owen opens the ropes and lets them through.

“Pel's on the VIP tonight, he's been itching to tell you one of his awful jokes. Bedevere's taking over in five minutes if you want to wait.”

Arthur nods and tugs Gwen. He's not waiting in this press of bodies for five minutes, he can take Pel's awful joke. He guides them down the roped off passage to the door labelled VIP and towards Pel. Pel's face lights up when he spots them.

“Arthur old boy! Been an age. Not supporting your sister, dickwad?”

“Nope. Not at all. Bloody harpy, she is.”

“Ha! Of course. You love her to bits, you big old softie. New drums tonight, mate. He's brilliant. Like, a total genius.”

“Right. You said that about Cen.”

“Cen was horrible. Mean old nasty.”

“Can we come through?”

“Nope. I'm sure Owen told you about my amazing new joke. He promised he'd let me tell it, though.”

“He did and he didn't. Told us about it, didn't tell it I mean.”

“Right. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“A man walks into a bar...”

Gwen and Arthur both roll their eyes and wait for the punch line they've heard a thousand times. Pel waits too, grinning at them. Then his eyes widen and he shakes himself.

“Oh! Um, ouch!”

He falls about laughing. Arthur laughs too, mostly at Pel. Gwen chuckles dutifully.

“Can we come through now?”

“Yeah. That was a good one, yeah?”

“Brilliant.”

“That's what Owen said!”

Pel opens the door for them and Arthur pulls Gwen through to the stairs with a sigh of relief. They look at each other then burst out laughing.

“Come on fatty, lets get these stairs done.”

“I am not fat!”

Arthur bounds up the stairs to prove it, then remembers it's three flights and wishes he hadn't. They then go down a gently sloping corridor and come out above the main audience. From here the stage is directly in front of them and they have the best view. There are a few people milling around the bar but it's much quieter than down stairs.

“I'm getting a drink. D'you want one?”

“Sure. Pint of lager.”

“Um...”

“Fine. Gin and tonic! I'm a girl! I admit it!”

“I want lager. You can pretend that's yours.”

“We do stick to a few stereotypes after all.”

Gwen smiles at him and bustles off. Arthur wanders over to the table with a 'reserved' sign on it, checks the number and sits pulling out his phone. He dials Morgana and waits.

-What?-

“We're here. Upstairs.”

-At last! I thought you'd miss it!-

“Nervous about the new drummer?”

-No! How'd you know? Oh. Pel. Right. No. Yes. He's good.-

“I know. You can still be nervous.”

-He's never had an audience this big. What if he bales?-

“Then you'll keep singing and people will keep screaming. You've done it before.”

-Thanks. You'll love him, by the way. The drummer. Merlin. He's really good.-

“Okay. Gwen's here, getting drinks.”

-Don't make me even more nervous! Is it really lame to ask you if she likes me?-

“Yes. It is so lame and you're never living it down. But she likes you.”

Morgana laughs and it softens.

-Thank you, Arthur. I'm ready now.-

“I'm watching.”

-See you later.-

“I'll see you first. Love you.”

She hangs up on him.

“Aw. You two are so sweet!”

“No, I'm sweet. She hung up on me without saying anything.”

“Oh.”

“She's just like that. I already know she loves me.”

“See? Tooth achingly sweet.”

“Gin?”

Gwen passes his glass and sits opposite him, jittering with excitement.

“Do you think she'll start soon? I can't believe you brought me. You never bring me! I love her music, she's so talented. I can't believe she writes her own songs. It's so amazing. She has such a lovely voice, too. And she always looks incredible. It's like she's not even from this world, Arthur. Truly.”

“All right. Take a breath, Gwen. She'll start when they finish testing and tuning stuff. And when the new drummer stops puking, which I bet he's doing. I never come unless she has new people or is nervous for some reason. Only when she asks me.”

“Still. Amazing!”

Gwen screams as Morgana walks onto the stage. Morgana's eyes rove the audience and fix on Arthur. Gwen shuffles her chair and clutches Arthur's arm screaming in his ear.

“Oh my God! She's looking right at you!”

“Um...”

“Right. You're sister. I'm cool!”

She grins a crazy grin and laughs like a man woman. Cool as a cucumber. Arthur meets Morgana's eyes and smiles. She does look incredible, Gwen's right. He gives her a thumbs up and wolf whistles over the crowd with his fingers. Morgana laughs and takes the mic.

“That whistle that just hurt all your ears was my brother complimenting my dress. I apologise. He's an animal.”

Arthur laughs and gives her a thumbs down. She blows him a kiss. A skinny boy in tight jeans and a t-shirt barrels onto stage, knocks the drums then takes a seat with a grin. And wow. Not so skinny, not so much a boy. Arthur eyes pop a little as they rove the man's torso.

A steady tapping beat starts up and Morgana glances back for Merlin's nod. She gets it.

“Okay. This first one is not my own. Written by Merlin the perfectionist, polished incessantly and finally fit for your consumption, here is 'Monster'.”

Arthur groans at the name but then Merlin starts drumming and the muscles ripple across his arms and chest. Well, Arthur mostly imagines that because the t-shirt is baggy, but it still happens. In his head. And he groans again. The song is good but Arthur's distracted by the beautiful rapture that is the new drummer's face. In the light it looks like his eyes are gold as he plays and Arthur closes his own eyes against it all, listening for the beat.

Gwen gets up, giggling, to dance with some bloke who asks her all chivalrous like a knight but Arthur stays where he is, hypnotised by Morgana's drummer. The way he moves at the instrument, so sinuous and graceful with his lean strength. The way he sings the backing, a lilting accented voice that contrasts with Morgana's husk. When everyone stands to cheer Arthur just stays where he is, watching Merlin the drummer walk off stage, leaving it to Morgana as she greets fans and signs things.

Arthur sits where he is, joined by Gwen before long. The venue empties around them. Arthur waits until he can walk to the backstage area with ease, then leads Gwen down. Pel's on this door now and lets them through with a grin and a wink.

"She did good tonight, Arthur."

Arthur nods but doesn't pause. He pushes right through to Morgana's dressing room and knocks.

"Yes? Who is it? Is that you, Merlin?"

"Sorry, no. Just me. And Gwen."

Arthur adds the last because Morgana has a habit of wandering around in her underwear and he doesn't think she'll forgive him if he lets her be half naked in front of Gwen. And she's very good at getting revenge.

"Hang on! Okay."

Arthur pushes the door open and strides in. He kisses Morgana on the cheek before throwing himself into her arm chair.

"Where are the smarties?"

"By your elbow."

"Smarties?"

"It's in her contract. Make sure people read all the clauses you know."

"Oh. Right."

"And to bribe Arthur to come to my gigs."

"Oh."

Gwen giggles when Morgana addresses her and Morgana blushes. Arthur rolls his eyes and pulls the smarties to him. All the red ones are gone. He frowns.

"Oh, Merlin probably got at them. He has a thing for red smarties."

Arthur raises an eyebrow.

"And no, Arthur dear, he is not five. Just eat your chocolate and keep quiet. I'm getting ready for a party. Gwen, have a seat. Do you want a drink?"

"Sure."

"G and T do you?"

"Yes."

Gwen perches on the edge of the sofa next to Arthur's chair. Arthur offers her the bowl of smarties. Gwen doesn't notice, eyes fixed on Morgana as she slips behind a screen. Arthur rolls his eyes again.

He's about to drift off- it's way past his bedtime- when the door bursts open and makes him jump. He jerks awake and blinks at the ball of energy bouncing around the room, knocking things over and catching them, arms and legs everywhere.

Arthur stares, still half asleep. Gwen is giggling at him he's sure, or she would be if she wasn't glued to Morgana who has just come from behind the screen, short black dress that barely covers her arse and tits and the highest heels imaginable.

"Merlin, what's up darling?"

"Nothing, nothing. That was brilliant! And you did my song!"

The whirl wind comes to a stop grinning a goofy, dopey grin at Morgana looking like a boy again.

"It's a good song."

"Well, thank you. I'm so hyped!"

"Come to the party, darling."

"No. No, I don't really... not my thing. Drugs."

The face darkens and becomes a man once more. Morgana reaches and cups Merlin's face and tuts.

"Sorry, forgot. I won't do anything I promise."

Arthur shakes himself and jerks upright.

"You'd better damn well not! Christ Morgana! How stupid can you be? Seriously, you're on your way to a party full of coke?"

"Coke? Where did you get that from? Merlin just said drugs. Merlin this is my over bearing, dick of a brother. Arthur. Or dick head. Or arse wipe."

"What about prat? Dollop head?"

"Brilliant. This is my brother, prince of prats."

Arthur glares at them both.

"Morgana! Drugs?"

"It's fine brother dearest, I can look after myself."

"Fine."

Arthur gives up. If she gets into trouble he won't be getting her out.

"Call me if you get in trouble. Promise."

Morgana laughs, suddenly ugly with it but more beautiful to Arthur, more natural.

"You just thought 'if she gets in trouble I won't bale her'. Then make me promise to call you! You can't stop yourself, can you?"

"Sorry for caring about you."

Arthur stiffens and gives her a wave before turning on his heel. He pauses at the door and turns back to Gwen who's still gazing at Morgana, drooling.

"Are you coming, Guinevere?"

"No."

"What?"

"I want to go to this party. It sounds fun."

"Of course you can come! The more the merrier! We'll be brilliant. Do you want to change?"

"Should I?"

"Nope. You look gorge."

Gwen blushes and giggles. Arthur rolls his eyes and holds out his hand. Gwen sighs and tosses him the car keys.

"Oh, Arthur dear, give Merlin a lift home would you? We'll get your kit, love. You go on with Arthur. He'll look after you."

"Fine. Call me, Morgana."

"Promise."

Arthur meets her eyes and believes her, jerks his head at Merlin and leaves with a huff. The building's empty now, Owen, Pel and Boars standing around watching the roadies get everything packed off the stage.

Arthur gives them a wave and strides on out, waving at Bedivere where he's smoking a cigarette. He supposes Merlin is following but doesn't bother to check until he reaches the car. Merlin is not following. Arthur looks around, bemused.

Merlin comes dashing across the carpark at him, breathless and grumpy looking. Arthur nods and gets into the car, starts the engine. Merlin flings himself in and Arthur pulls away.

"It would have killed you to wait while I got my phone?"

"No. I wasn't thinking. Sorry. Assumed you were behind me."

"You are a prat. Morgana's right."

"Where am I taking you?"

"Um, just take me to the bus stop. That's fine."

"No way. I'm taking you to your door. Morgana said I was to look after you."

"She was kidding!"

"Don't care. Where?"

Merlin sighs.

"I'm not six, Arthur."

"You look it. All gangle limbs and... but not when you're drumming."

Arthur blushes. That hadn't meant to slip out. Merlin laughs.

"That's the closest I'm getting to a compliment, isn't it?"

"No! I can give compliments. Where they're deserved."

"Where they're... hey! You're so rude."

Arthur smiles, absently indicating right.

"We need to go left."

"Hmm?"

"Left. To my house."

Arthur changes the indicator and declares victory. In his head.

"Sorry. I'm not rude. Well, maybe a little. That's what comes of teaching sixth formers history."

"Oh, is that what you do? Really?"

"Really. Quite the opposite to Morgana's life I'm sure."

"Yes! Completely! Do you know she had three girls in her dressing room yesterday night after practise? And the day before that she came in on the arm of this huge hunky guy. And the day before that-"

"I am aware. Morgana's not very good at relationships."

"That's not it! She's just not interested."

Arthur concedes. He's not going to air Morgana's commitment issues here.

"And she goes to a different party every night. She gets us into all the most stylish, high scale clubs everywhere we go! It's awesome."

"I thought you didn't like parties."

Arthur's heart sinks a little. He'd thought he'd found a kindred spirit in Merlin. He doesn't miss the way Merlin's face closes though.

"I said I don't like drugs. It's different. I'm not some boring old sod who never leaves the house and never has fun."

Arthur winces but lets it go. He obviously hit a nerve there. He makes a mental note to steer the conversation clear of drugs in future.

"So. What did you do before you became Morgana's- left or right here?"

"Right. I don't think I want to hear what you were going to call me then. I was drumming for this little band, the Peasant's Uprising. My friend formed it after school and I joined full time when I got my degree."

"Oh? In what?"

"Um, yeah. English. I bet you're one of those people who thinks English doesn't count."

"I did joint honours, English and History. Then a masters in history."

"How did you fit that in! You can't be much older than I am!"

"I'm twenty four. I went to college early. I went to school in the US and they put you in whatever grade you're academic merits suggest. So I was younger than most people when I came to uni here."

"Oh. How old?"

"Um, seventeen. Not that different really."

"Huh."

That seems to be all Merlin has to say and Arthur's too tired to think of a new conversation so there's silence the rest of the way, punctuated only by Merlin giving directions. When they reach Merlin's place, a block of flats on the edge of town, Arthur's yawning every few minutes.

Merlin unbuckles just as a huge yawn breaks through. He laughs and turns to face Arthur.

"Thanks for the lift. You gonna make it home before you crash?"

"No. Going to Gwen's though which is about five minutes from here. Don't worry. Are you good now?"

"Yes. I can make it the five feet to my front door, father."

Arthur laughs and shoos him out, waving and pulling away before his tired brain tries to talk him into getting out of the car and kissing Merlin. He shakes himself and drives as fast as is safe to Gwen's. He doesn't bother with his teeth, just kicks off his shoes and undoes his top button before crashing onto her big, comfy bed and falling into the waiting darkness of sleep, thinking all the while of bright blue eyes, gangly arms and the beat.

Arthur gets up at his usual Saturday time -8.30, even he lies in sometimes- the next morning and, leaving Gwen's car keys on the table and locking the front door, gets the bus to college to pick up his bike then cycles home to get started on essay marking.

It's a warm day so he takes an allergy pill and sits in the garden with his stack. He puts Freya and Gilli's essays aside; they're his best students and he'll need some hope at the end of the long, dark tunnel that is A-level students' mangling of history.

It takes him an hour of tearing his hair out before he reaches the first ray of hope. Nim has a nice style and he actually enjoys her argument. Which isn't rare, though they're rarely on the same side of an issue and today they are, which is nice. He gives her a big red A at the end and notes the mark in his book.

He spends half the day like that but then the pill wears off and his eyes start to itch so he heads inside to make lunch. He sighs when he finds that no, no treats had appeared in his larder while he was absent from home. He makes himself a sandwich, waters his plants then sets up in his little office room ignoring the crying baby Rosie in the flat above him but only because she's such a cutie pie.

He looks at the ceiling and rolls his eyes when he realises he used the words cutie pie in his head. He blames Gwen. Then he stops stalling and gets on with marking. It's five by the time he pauses again and even then only because the phone rings. He answers absently trying to work out where Myror got the idea that Stalin invented guinea pig farms.

"Hello?"

-Arthur! Hey, did you leave my car keys?-

"Yeah, they're on your kitchen table."

-Oh good. Are you still there?-

"No. Been home for hours."

-Do you want to come to dinner?-

"Did you leave your keys at Morgana's?"

-Yes. Well, not so much at Morgana's, more at Elena's.-

"Who's Elena?"

-Might be the girl I slept with last night. But she's lovely!-

"I thought you wanted to sleep with Morgana?"

-Well, yes. That would be ideal. But she buggered off with twins so I plumped for Elena. Who's lovely.-

"Okay. I can't bring your keys over, you'll have to come here. I have to mark at least half these essays and I'm only a third through."

-Please?-

"No. Come fetch. Love you bye."

He hangs up on her because she's liable to persuade him to cycle all the way across town to her house. She's done it before. Ah! He used people as guinea pigs! Thus the guinea pig farms! A joke? Or an idiot. The second, Arthur's sure. He puts a big cross by the paragraph (no! Not guinea pig farms. The Nazis used their prisoners as guinea pigs, Stalin did not. Not historically at least).

Gwen turns up half an hour later, a blonde girl in tow. The blonde girl waves, trips over the step, snorts at herself, trips over the carpet then trips right into Arthur's arms. He catches her and looks, startled, into her eyes. She kisses his nose and giggles.

"Hello. You're Arthur. You're Morgana's brother. She says you are a pig and I shouldn't kiss you, but I just did so up hers."

Elena looks at him, beaming expectantly. Arthur just blinks at her and hands Gwen her keys.

"Why did you need mine if you're with... you are Elena, right?"

"Right."

"We were at mine. Yours is closer than Elena's."

Arthur nods and frowns, wondering how to get rid of them but Elena is already wandering through to the kitchen. She gasps and Arthur goes running, wondering what she's tripped on now. But she hasn't tripped, she's standing looking out at the garden and she looks enraptured.

"That's a beautiful garden. Did you plant all those flowers?"

"No. My upstairs neighbour is a gardener. I just enjoy them."

"Oh, you're so lucky! Look at all those colours!"

"Looking's about all Arthur can do. He's deathly allergic."

"I'm so sorry. That must be terrible."

"No. Well, it would be but Gwen is lying. I sneeze if I breath in too much pollen. Not deathly. I was doing marking out there until lunch time today."

"So that's why you look like you've been crying."

Arthur knows she's teasing him but he still goes to check his reflection in the little magnetic mirror on the fridge.

"I do not! Now, if you would leave me in peace? I have several more drivel filled attempts at essays to slog through before bed time, which is only two hours away. And I have to eat dinner."

It takes him another ten minutes to get rid of them. He makes himself a mug of soup and takes that and some bread to his office and carries on marking. He gets to bed half an hour late.

Sunday follows the same pattern except this time it's Leon who comes to the door, hung over and mumbling something about a giant and some other things Arthur wishes he'd shut up about, asking for keys and coffee. Arthur gives him both and lets Leon lie moaning on the sofa in his office till the evening while he marks essays.

During the next week Leon and Gwen are both busy. Gwen is spending time with Elena trying to fall in love with someone less destructive than Morgana and Leon is spending lots of time with the giant so Arthur is left alone with his essays and garden. It's brilliant.

 


	2. Chapter Two

He tells his students that he is not marking essays this weekend so anything they want looked at they have to give him before Wednesday. He manages to mark the few desperate hand ins on Thursday and then he has the weekend free. He gets home Friday and lies on his sofa, smiling at the ceiling, hoping Gwen and Leon are still busy.

He gets Friday night and Saturday morning to himself to catch up on his reading but then Leon barges in. When Arthur hears the knock on the door he frowns. It's rare for Leon and Gwen to bother him two weekends in a row and no one else ever comes to his house. He puts his book down on the arm of his garden chair and goes to open the door, sneezing into his shoulder.

"Yes? How cad I help you?"

"Try a tissue. I don't want to see your bogeys, man."

"Shud up Leod. Whad are you doig here?"

Leon hands him a tissue and glances at the road, nervous. Arthur follows his gaze, picks out his care and focuses on the front seat. Sure enough the giant is there. Arthur blows his nose and sighs.

"Really? Introductions already? This is a bit early even for you."

"He's amazing. And I really like him. I told him I need to talk to you first, check if you're busy but I know you're not. I want you to not do your usual interrogation shtick, please?"

"Fine. Bring him in."

Arthur goes to get his book and fold his chair leaving the front door open. When he gets back to the kitchen Leon is sat next to a very nervous looking guy. Who isn't as tall as Arthur expected. Arthur puts his things away and goes to shake the guy's hand.

"Arthur Pendragon, designated date scarer by Leon's over protective family. I've promised not to scare you. Leon's spoils all my fun."

Arthur pauses for a name, but none is forthcoming. The man just shakes his hand and nods. Arthur suddenly realises he promised not to be protective, he never promised not to embarrass.

"Leon has told me rather a lot about your dick but never mentioned your name."

Leon chokes on the breath he's just taken and coughs, bright red. The man goes a bit pink but smiles.

"I'm Percy."

He has a soft, quiet voice but Arthur would bet there's some mischief hiding in there somewhere. Anyone willing to do the things Leon has been talking about has to have some kind of streak.

"Right. So, you want to hear all Leon's embarrassing childhood stories?"

Percy's face lights up hopefully.

"I have a ton. He was a funny little thing."

"Arthur."

"What? I'll only tell the funny ones!"

"You can tell three. Fair?"

"Fair. Okay, name your age range Percy."

"Um, three?"

"Yeah, that's the number I'm allowed to tell. Leon's stingy."

“No, I meant when Leon was three. And... a toddler. I bet he was cute."

"Little ball of blond fluff. He was cute."

"And maybe ten?"

"Ten's good. He used to run ahead of us when we went shopping with his Mum, stand in an empty space and call out 'boy for sale, reasonable price' and we'd have to put him in the trolley. One day he was wearing a baseball cap and when his Mum picked him up and dumped him in the trolley he said 'hey, and you get a free hat!'"

Percy laughs and Arthur notices he squeezes Leon's thigh under the table. He smiles and narrows his eyes a little so only Leon will notice. Leon glares at him and Arthur rolls his eyes. So he can't scare Percy even though he's being handsy.

"Okay. Three? Um. I only vaguely remember this but one halloween we dressed up as spies only Leon said we were actually secret agents because spies have hats."

Percy snorts and Leon blushes remembering the time, years later, when they'd reprised the costumes and ended up kissing because Leon wanted to see what it felt like, even if it did have to be with a boy. Arthur winks at him and Leon blushes harder.

"It seems I'm missing something."

"No, nothing."

Arthur smiles sweetly. The phone goes before he can embarrass Leon properly and Arthur has to go get it.

"Hello, Arthur Pendragon."

-Formal greeting.-

"Who is this please?"

-Sorry. Merlin. Um, I have a problem.-

"Mm?"

-Yes. Your sister hasn't turned up for practise and no one can find her.-

"Try Morgause."

-Done that.-

"Alator?"

-Done. Tried everyone on her 'if I'm lost call here' list.-

"She gave you that? Obviously. Um, I wouldn't worry for another twenty four hours. She sometimes misses practise."

-She missed yesterday too.-

"Tried her mobile? Of course you have. Hang on, don't hang up. Let me grab my phone, see if I can locate her for you."

Arthur balances the phone of a pile of paperwork he's supposed to fill out for college and grabs his mobile. He dials Morgana, gets nothing. He gets Morgause but she doesn't know anything and is worried too.

"Hey, Merlin? When was the last time you saw her?"

-Um, maybe Tuesday? Yeah.-

"Why are you only calling me now!"

-We had no practise the second half of the week!-

"Okay, okay. Sorry. Look, she's probably crashed out on some girl's sofa. I know drugs freak you out but she's never done that before. Well, not since I brought pot home when I was fifteen and we smoked it on our roof. Just, I'll find her. Then call you."

-Okay, thanks. Bye-

Merlin hangs up and Arthur rubs his face and calls Gwen. Which is where he finds Morgana. He's relieved and pissed off in equal parts. He yells at her, kicks Leon and Percy out and then goes to lie down. Too much excitement in a short period of time.

He falls asleep and when he wakes up it's to the phone ringing again. He never gets this many calls in day. He picks it up from next to his bed, half asleep.

"'lo?"

-Did you find her? I know you said you'd call but I got worried.-

"Sorry. Shit. I forgot. She's at a friend's house and 'didn't feel like practising today Arthur so fuck off', as she explained."

0And you just forgot I was here worried, waiting?-

"I know. Sorry. So tired today. Look, come over for dinner. I'll make it up to you."

-What? That's a bit over the top for a missed phone call.-

Merlin sounds defensive and Arthur's not sure if her should say what he's thinking but then his mouth goes ahead without his brain's okay.

"You worry about drugs and it obviously upsets you, I was a dick not to call when I knew that."

-'What, you think you know me?-

"No, Merlin. You are an enigma. I was trying to be nice."

-I know. Sorry. Touchy subject. Yeah, dinner sounds good. Can you cook?-

"Yes, my mother taught me. Come over in about an hour and we'll have risotto, salad and wine."

-Sounds good. Where are you at?-

"Are you cycling?"

-Yeah.-

"Okay."

Arthur gives directions and hangs up wondering what he's got himself into.

Arthur cooks chicken risotto. If Merlin tells Morgana then Arthur's in for a lot of teasing. She knows he cooks chicken when he's nervous- unsure of something? Chicken fixes everything. It's his philosophy. He's just adding the hot water when a horrifying thought occurs to him; what if Merlin is a vegetarian?

Arthur runs around re-making the risotto with only vegetables, then he throws together a salad. He looks into the bowl and wonders if Merlin will actually like it and makes another. Then another. Then he takes both risottos off the stove and covers them with pan lids, covers the salads and goes to choose wine.

He has three choices. The bottle of white Leon brought over that they never drunk, the bottle of red Morgana gave him last Christmas or the bottle of red his father gave him last time he was here. Which was three years ago. Arthur frowns and chooses Leon and Morgana. He puts Leon in the fridge and takes Morgana with him to set the table.

He's just laid everything out when the doorbell goes. He stumbles on the same bit of rug Elena had stumbled on last weekend and opens the door already blushing. Merlin is leaning against the frame wearing old jeans and a button down shirt that shows off his muscular chest. Which Arthur is not staring at.

"Hi."

"Hello. May I enter the sacred home of one so up himself?"

Arthur blinks and nods. He then turns away to sneeze and realises he's got snot on his hand.

"Ub... excuse be just a sec. Take a seat id the roob there."

Arthur waves carelessly with one hand (not the one covered in snot) and goes to the office to grab the box of tissues he left there and blowing his nose. He cleans his hands with the little sanitizer on his desk and heads through to the dining room. Merlin has a glass of wine in his hand and has opened the French windows. Arthur turns and goes back for the tissues.

Merlin is giving him a bewildered look when he gets back and Arthur wonders if he has snot on his face. He tries to discretely wipe his nose. Merlin laughs.

"There's nothing on your face. You buggered off, came back and buggered off again."

Arthur holds up the box and Merlin's face clears.

"Oh! The flowers, Morgana mentioned you're allergic, I'm sorry. The garden just looked so beautiful."

"Yeah. My neighbour planted everything. I love it. If I take a pill now we can sit out after dinner."

"That would be nice."

Arthur nods and Merlin shuts the doors. Arthur remembers his earlier panic about food and blushes, suddenly realises he's been a bit weird.

"Um, I may have gone a bit over the top and worried about what you like."

Merlin raises an eyebrow.

"I made chicken risotto then thought you might be vegy so I made a vegy version. Then I made three salads because I didn't know what you'd like. And there's a bottle of white wine if you'd prefer that."

Merlin laughs again and grins at Arthur, wide and dopey like a little boy, like in Morgana's dressing room the other night. Arthur give a helpless shrug.

"I like chicken. Bring it all through and we'll see how much we can plough through. I have a bigger stomach that it seems."

Arthur nods and goes to get everything. Merlin follows and laughs again when he sees the bowls and pans but takes half and they carry everything to the dining table. Arthur's set their places across from one another on the thin side of the table so they're close enough to talk, like he usually does if he has company, but suddenly it feels too intimate and he opens his mouth to try and tell Merlin he can sit further away if he wants but Merlin is already serving himself, tasting everything as soon as it touches his plate.

"Mm! This is good. Oh, and the vegy one is too! Impressive."

Arthur falters in the middle of serving himself salad. Merlin is suddenly all soft and not sharp and hard like he was before. Arthur wonders why he's suddenly being nice. In the moment of confusion he drops salad in his wine glass, making Merlin laugh again.

"I thought I was a clutz."

"It's all right. I don't really like wine. I was drinking it for show."

"Oh? Thank god. I hate the stuff. Thought maybe you were a buff or something, this is one Morgana tells me is good."

"Morgana gave it to me. She's always trying to get me drunk."

"Me too! She's such a manipulative... oh dear. Forgot she was your sister. She's a dear though, really. She's been great to me which surprised me, knowing who her father is."

Arthur blinks and Merlin covers his mouth, wide eyed, then keeps on talking digging himself deeper and deeper until Arthur cracks and laughs at him. Merlin blushes and throws a piece of chicken at Arthur.

"Hey! That's good food!"

"You're laughing at me."

"Why have you suddenly decided to forgive me my father? I assume he's why you were being so aggressive and defensive."

"Yeah. My Mum gave me a talking to when I told her."

"Ha! She sounds awesome. You know my favourite time of the year is parents evenings. The kids come in, cool gear in place, cool slouch on the go and sprawl in the chairs. And then in walk their parents; sit up straight, spit out that gum, pull your trousers up, is that the way you always talk to Mr. Pendragon? And the kids turn into little angels. It's amazing."

Merlin laughs, then sighs.

"Am I forgiven for being a douche just like that?"

Arthur shrugs.

"I don't know. I'm drinking on allergy medication and feeling rather mellow right now."

Meriln snickers and Arthur giggles. They eat again. Merlin wasn't lying about his stomach; he manages to put away half of both the risottos and most of the salad. They sit back and sigh. Arthur wonders what to offer Merlin now he knows he doesn't like wine and wonders why he never panicked about that.

"I think I have a few beers somewhere that Leon left at some point. Or Gwen always brings over G and T, there's probably the makings of that around."

"How about juice?"

"I have lemonade?"

"That works."

Arthur gets up and fills two tumblers, carrying them through. Merlin has the doors open again and is leaning against the frame. Arthur's eyes settle, but only briefly, on Merlin's arse. Only briefly because Merlin turns and takes a tumbler.

Arthur steps round him and leads the way down the garden path to the bench at the bottom.

"This is really my neighbour's spot but he doesn't mind me bringing friends here. He likes to show off the roses in the hedge."

Merlin nods and sits and suddenly it's awkward. Arthur sits and fidgits.

"Thanks. For dinner."

"No problem, I was cooking anyway."

Merlin gives him a sceptical look and laughs.

"Yeah, for an army by the looks of it."

Arthur blushes again.

"Look, I am sorry for being a high and mighty git but I'm kind of like that anyway. I'm absent minded and forget about people and brush people off and if I'm in my own head I can be rude and defensive to get rid of people."

Arthur shrugs. Merlin seems to be all over the place emotionally and he bounces from subject to subject like they're trampolines to launch him God knew where.

"That's okay. I deal with Morgana every day."

"Oh yeah."

They sit mostly in silence after that and Merlin leaves once he's finished his lemonade. Arthur clears up and goes to lie down watching his ceiling blur in and out of focus as his body tries to come to grips with allergy pills and wine. It's quite fun.

Arthur doesn't see Merlin for the next few weeks and Leon and Gwen leave him alone. He spends most of his time filling in backdated paperwork, marking essays and playing with Rosie while her Daddy gardens. That's where he is, lying on the lawn lifting her above his head and making her fly to her giggling delight, when Morgana barges through with Merlin in tow. Arthur smiles up at them but Morgana glares.

"When did you acquire an eating, pooping and puking machine Arthur?"

"Rosie's not that! She's lovely. Aren't you lovely?"

He blows a raspberry on her stomach and lets her rest on his chest ignoring Morgana for the moment. Merlin is grinning down at Arthur but when Morgana glares he looks contrite.

"Arthur, I have an issue. I want to do a gig in Germany next month but Merlin here is apparently unable to leave the country. I need my drummer! Talk sense into him."

With that she strides away leaving Merlin behind looking at his shoes. Arthur sighs and sits up cradling Rosie in one arm. Jed comes up the garden carrying old rose heads and hurries when he sees Merlin.

"Do you need me to take her Arthur?"

"No, she's no problem. We're going to sit outside anyway and she's such a sweetie. I'll give you a yell when my allergies start annoying me too much."

Jed nods and and holds up the roses.

"Where do you want these?"

"Just dump them in the dining room. Merlin, sit."

Merlin sits. Arthur tries not to watch as he folds down gracefully into a cross legged position.

"Practise."

"Huh?"

"You were wondering how I manage that when I can barely walk a hundred yards without knocking things over or flailing spectacularly. Practise."

Arthur nods. That's not at all what he was thinking. He was thinking if Merlin could bend like that so easily... but Merlin's giving him the perfect excuse so he nods.

"Oh."

Arthur looks down at Rosie and bounces her gently. Her eyes slide shut then blink open again. Arthur laughs and bounces her again. Her eyes do the same thing and before long she's sleeping.

"So, no Germany huh?"

"I need to stay in England."

"Okay."

"Aren't you going to talk me into going with Morgana?"

"You're not irreplaceable you know. There are drummers lining up to play for her."

Merlin glares at him and goes a bit pale.

"No! I'm not giving up my job just because... can she do that?"

"For the gig, idiot. She likes you. And your voice compliments hers. “

"So I don't have to go?"

"She'll be pissed. And Morgause will be pissed because she'll have to find Morgana a drummer while she's being pissy, but no."

"Oh. Good."

Arthur spots Jed putting his gardening tools away.

"Well, my eyes are getting itchy and you seem to be sorted. Rosie's sleeping and Jed is finished. I think it's time to head inside."

Merlin stands and Arthur stands too, careful with Rosie on the way up. He rests the baby against his chest and closes his eyes to savour her weight, warmth and smell before Jed takes her away again.

"Come on, Arthur. I know you want to keep her but she's mine."

Arthur laughs and hands her over carefully. Jed's face settles into fondness when Rosie settles in his arms and Arthur shakes his head.

"You are a wonder, Jed. Tough old gardener, ex-marine and here you are soft as butter for her."

"Shut up. Anything you want as thanks for watching her?"

"Just the roses."

"Will you ever tell me what you do with those?"

"Nope."

Arthur waves and leads Merlin into the house closing the doors behind him.

"Come on. I assume Morgana drove you over?"

"Yeah."

"She'll be back soon. Come sit in the office. I need to put these roses in the flower press and find a box of tissues before my nose runs so much it falls off."

"That can't happen!"

Merlin blushes suddenly and laughs at himself.

"Right. Of course it can't. Stupid exclamation."

"It can too happen. With prosthetics at least. I was wearing a bunch of make up and a fake hooked nose for a school play once and I sneezed the nose right off. My class never let me live it down."

Merlin laughs himself silly at that and Arthur guides him to the sofa and smiles before pulling out the flower press.

Merlin sits on the sofa and watches Arthur press roses until Morgana comes back. Arthur's happy, beyond happy actually, that Merlin stays quiet without it being awkward. Arthur finds it soothing.

Merlin does get bored after a while and runs a fingers over the spines of Arthur's history books before choosing one about the French revolution. When Merlin starts to laugh Arthur knows it's over the inscription over the inside plate and blushes.

"Oh my God! Her little rosebud? Arthur! That's hilarious!"

"My Mum wrote it."

Merlin stops laughing.

"Oh. Sorry. I thought it was from a girlfriend. I thought your Mum... sorry."

"Yeah, she died when I was six."

"Why did she give a six year old a book about the French revolution?"

"I was obsessed with the horrible history books. She didn't give it me when I was six though. When she got sick she went out and a bought a present for every birthday until I was 22 and wrote a letter and wrapped them then gave them to Dad, dating each one."

Arthur keeps his back to Merlin and inserts another rose between the thin white papers.

"Sorry. That sounds amazing. I'm sorry I laughed."

"It's okay. Like I said, I was six. I don't combust if people talk about her. Or tease me about her."

Arthur remembers the first time Leon had been around to witness one of the unwrappings (first year at uni when Arthur had got a parcel in the post with a note - 'you'll have mine when you get home but this was dated' - from his father). Leon had watched Arthur take off the paper slowly so as not to damage any of it and got frustrated. He tore the paper off and Arthur had, embarrassingly, burst into tears.  
Leon had been horrified and contrite but he wasn't good with crying people so his solution was to make dinner and buy a ton of ice cream, tuck Arthur into bed and feed him. Arthur still chuckles about it.

Merlin gives him a weird look and Arthur realises that he's chuckling now. He turns and smiles at Merlin. Merlin smiles back and sticks his nose in the book. They're still in the office, working and reading companionably and peacefully, when Morgana barges in. Her entrance makes Arthur jump and the rose he's holding sails over to biff her in the face.

"Arthur! Oh for, you're pressing roses again? Will this never end? At least you don't demand to press the flowers you're allergic to. Did you talk sense into Merlin?"

"Yup. I told him you could easily find another drummer for one gig, that you valued him too highly to chuck him for missing just one and that he could say no to leaving the country without loosing his job."

Morgana starts gaping, then her face firms up into a glower.

"I want Merlin there!"

"Morgana, you are not a spoilt brat. Stop acting like one."

Morgana just glowers. She grabs Merlin and tugs him up off the couch. Merlin holds onto the book carefully.

"Careful! His Mum gave this to him."

Arthur smiles at the thought and takes the book as Merlin is dragged out.

"See you around, Merlin. Bye Morgana."

Arthur sighs in contentment when he's left in peace with his roses. Though... Merlin wasn't so bad. Not too intrusive. Arthur thinks he could get used to that.

Morgana spends the next few weeks bugging Arthur about talking Merlin into doing Germany. Arthur puts the office phone on speaker and marks essays, ignoring her except to hum and murmur occasionally. When she barges in he sits her on the sofa, marks essays and says he's listening.

It's annoying.

For both of them.

One day they're sat like that, Arthur wondering why Valient thinks the Germans invaded Mesopotamia when Leon barges in and nearly sits on Morgana. Arthur blinks at him as he apologises (he's as bad at that as he is with people crying).

"I'm so, so very sorry Morgana. I thought the psych couch was free and nearly put my huge, ugly butt in your beautiful face. Not as beautiful as Percy's but it comes close. He doesn't have an ugly butt, it's quite lovely actually, so is his"

Arthur clears his throat and Leon stutters to a stop, blushing.

"Morgana, bugger off your session's up. Leon, sit and stop talking about Percy's privates."

Morgana glares but storms out. At least she's gone. She's started to give Arthur a headache. He rubs his face and raises an eyebrow at Leon.

"Psych couch?"

"Yeah. We come and talk to ourselves while you scribble away behind the desk."

Arthur laughs. It's an accurate description of what happens when his mates come over and he's working. Leon sits and sighs.

"I think I fucked up with Perce."

Arthur caps his pen and puts Val's weird and wonderful essay down. He looks across.

"Oh god, you're giving me your attention. I'm screwed!"

"What did you do?"

Leon frowns and looks down.

"Told him I didn't want to meet his family. We were fighting about whether Percy should drag me to this thing and he asked why I didn't want to go, I said his family would be there, he said so what, I said I hadn't met them, he said maybe I should, I said I don't like meeting the parents, he said-"

Arthur holds up a hand. This isn't helping his headache.

"Stop. I get the picture. You didn't mess up too badly, surely?"

"His family's really important to him. I know that."

"It's quite soon to meet the parents."

"Um, it's been almost two months."

"Oh. Right. Um."

"You lost track again, huh. Looking forward to the holidays?"

"Oh crap, that's the week after next. I'm going to be inundated with essays."

"You always are this term. You think Percy will forgive me?"

"Tell him why you don't like meeting the parents."

"I don't want to."

"Then tell him you have a reason and ask him to be patient."

Leon thinks about that, then nods, then nods again.

"Okay. Yeah. He's patient. He'll be okay with that. Thanks."

"Why don't you stick around?"

Leon's eyes widen in surprise and his mouth opens and closes.

"I need a break. My head hurts thanks to Morgana and I don't think I can bear to read any more about the battle between Mesopotamia and Nazi Germany right now."

"When did that happen?"

"It didn't. Only in Val's head."

"Is he the guinea pig fellow?"

"That was Myror, not sure which is worse."

Arthur gets up and Leon leads the way to the little-used living room. It's really bright but Leon draws the curtains for him. Arthur smiles at the gesture and sinks into the sofa with a sigh.

"Are you all right? Just a headache, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll go get you something."

Leon leaves and Arthur closes his eyes against the pounding. All of a sudden there's a flash and burst of colour behind his eye lids.

"Oh fuck."

"What?"

Leon's back.

"Migraine. Bugger. Ow. crap, fuck, head in a hole!"

Leon laughs and comes over to perch at Arthur's knee, hand resting there.

"How bad?"

"Just flashes right now."

"I'll get your pills then, not a shot."

"Thanks. Hate those bloody fat needles."

Leon leaves again and Arthur rubs his face, his numb face, and watches the colour and lights show.

"That was really sudden. Here, pill and water. I have the needle kit just in case. I'll stick around until this passes."

"Thanks."

"I'll go unplug the phone and put our mobiles on silent. Are you expecting any important calls?"

"Jed might call for a babysitter."

"Well he'll just have to sit on his own baby tonight."

Arthur takes the pill and the water bottle Leon hands him and drinks with a grimace as the giant ass pill goes down. Leon laughs softly and manipulates him until he's lying down.

The flashes are beginning to hurt now, pain radiating through Arthur's skull until he can't tell which way is up. He teeters but then Leon's solid body presses gently against his chest.

"Lean on me, Arthur. I have a bowl here if you get sick."

Arthur leans into the familiar thigh and falls asleep.

When he wakes he can hear Leon pottering around in the kitchen. His head is still attached, a dull pounding thudding through between his ears but the lights and colours are mostly gone. He sits up in the treacle air and remembers why he hates taking his medication. It's like the world is suddenly heavy and slow. He stands and teeters but gets his balance and manages to lurch into the kitchen and crash into a dining room chair that's set right by the door.

"Hey, you're back. Got a chair for you, which you found. Was that an accident? Did you nearly crash to the floor? I made some soup. I know the meds make your stomach funny but it's just a thin, tasteless thing. You can have toast with it?"

Arthur blinks at the stream of questions. Leon sighs and goes back to his pottering. Arthur watches him, eyes moving sluggishly.

"Did anyone call?"

His tongue is thick in his mouth and the words slur on exit. Leon smiles at him though, a proud smile which Arthur thinks he doesn't really deserve.

"You can talk. Good. Yeah, Merlin called. Something about your sister being over there packing. And Percy called! He says he's sorry for pushing."

"Did you sort stuff?"

"I told him."

"Oh."

"Yeah, he called up and was so worried and so Percy and I just love him so much."

Arthur nods. Good. Percy was nice. Morgana is packing?

"What day is it?"

"Same day. Evening. It's seven o'clock. You slept for ten hours!"

"Nngh."

"Oh, succinct. Maybe you need more."

"Need to call Morgana."

"Why?"

"She's packing for Merlin to leave the country but Merlin says he can't."

"So? He's an adult. Let him sort it. You might not be hurting so badly right now but you're not very well. Leave your sister's messes, and my messes for that matter, to us. We'll manage. Now, let's stagger to the dining room and eat soup and dry toast. Yummy."

Arthur grunts. Leon has to help him stagger and he laughs all the way to Arthur's bemusement. Once they're at the table Leon explains.

"Your trousers are falling down. I had a lovely view of your hairy butt."

Arthur looks down and realise he's unbuttoned and zipped. He frowns.

"I did that. More comfortable. I'll get you something to eat then you can crash again. I'll stay until morning in case you need anything."

"Thanks."

Leon's already bustling away.

The pain comes in fits and starts all night and Leon and Arthur spend most of it in the bathroom as Arthur vomits everything he's eaten in the past year. By morning his head's gearing down but they're both exhausted.

They crash onto Arthur's bed and fall asleep immediately.

They're woken by someone knocking on the door. Arthur moans and tries to get up but Leon's lying on top of him.

"Get the door, Arthur."

"You're squishing me. Where are our clothes?"

Arthur is only now noticing that he's wearing only boxers and Leon's only wearing Arthur's sweats.

"You puked. Over everything. Several times. I haven't seen you naked this much since we lived together."

Arthur blushes remembering his proclivity to wandering around naked in the mornings. There's another session of banging on the door and Arthur moans again.

"Head still sore?"

"Yeah. Eyes are throbbing."

"Any visual crap?"

"Bit fuzzy. Just tired. Can you get off me so I can stop that god awful noise?"

Leon rolls off and Arthur staggers up pulling on the first pair of jeans he finds in his closet. Which are the spare ones Leon keeps here. Arthur frowns as they slip over his hips but the banging is going on and on so he grabs a shirt and shuffles to the front door holding the jeans up.

Jed is standing on the other side, Rosie cradled in one arm chewing contentedly on a rubber cow the gives a wheezing squeak when the air squeezes out. Arthur opens the door.

"Morning Jed."

Jed frowns at him.

"It's three o'clock. Have you only just got up? You're usually up at dawn."

"Had a migraine last night. Um, what can I do for you?"

"This is going to... you have a headache, never mind. But who... oh God. I'm gonna have to ask. Can you look after Rosie's friend for a few hours?"

Arthur raises an eyebrow as a toddler steps out from behind Jed's legs and waves shyly.

"Hey. What's your name?"

"Becca."

"Jed?"

"I know! Sorry. Her mother's at work and I'm supposed to be watching her but Rosie's sick."

Arthur looks at Rosie. Who looks perfectly healthy.

"She's been vomiting all morning and I really want to take her to the doctor's."

Arthur sighs and assesses Becca. She looks like she's a little devil.

"All right. Sorry you're not feeling well Rosie Posie."

He leans forward and kisses her nose making her giggle.

"Thank you Arthur! Becca, this is Arthur and he's a teacher and I know him very well. He's going to look after you while I get Rosie checked okay?"

Becca nods and steps to Arthur's legs.

"Bye Mr. Jed."

Just then Rosie bursts into tears and throws up on herself. Jed looks like he's about to cry too so Arthur takes Rosie and carries her inside.

"Come in Jed, we'll get her cleaned up here then you can head out. Poor little Rosie, are you sick?"

Arthur babbles to her as he lays her on the counter over his pile of tee towels.

"I have a change here."

"Good. All right Rosie, lets take this nasty smelling thing off."

Arthur takes off the officious garment and drops it in the sink, checks Rosie's nappy, wipes her clean with a warm, damp cloth and then re-dresses her and passes her back to Jed with another kiss.

"Thank you Arthur. I'm so worried about her."

"No worries. I puked on my mate last night, I guess this is karma."

"Three times. You puked on me three times. Morning Jed, Rosie not well?"

"She keeps throwing up."

"Oh no. Poor little mite."

Leon goes over and boops Rosie's nose. Arthur smiles at that, Leon used to do that to him, too.

"Well, I'm going to get her to the doc. Be good Becca."

"Bye."

"Becca?"

Arthur points to the small girl attached to his jeans. That are sliding over his arse again. He hoiks them up and Becca giggles before tugging them down. Arthur catches them and swoops her up.

"Ah ha! Got you. Little trouser thief. What shall we do with you? In the sink?"

She shrieks and Arthur winces as he tips her over the sink. He rights her and touches his head gingerly.

"No. Not such a good idea. Shall we make some toast?"

"Toast! Yes! For me."

"Okay. And for me and Leon, too. Do you want eggs?"

"No thanks. Do you want me to do it? Do you need to sit?"

"Nah, I'm good. Really hungry."

Leon makes a face.

"I'll do the dishes. You starting puking before I could wash them yesterday."

"Um, you'll have do Rosie's sick clothes, too. Thanks.” Arthur grins at Leon, happy Leon's the one dealing with the puke. Leon rolls his eyes but goes to the sink. "Right. Where do you think we'll find bread, Becca? In the oven?"

"No!"

"Hmm, maybe you're right. What about... in the kettle?"

Arthur flips open the lid and they peer in, Becca giggling in his ear.

"No! Bread bin!"

"The bin? I don't keep food in there!"

"The BREAD bin!"

Becca shrieks the words in his ear and he winces again but can't help laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Ah. The bread bin. Let's have a look. Yes! Bread!"

He sits Becca on the counter while he slices the bread and lets her drop it into the toaster.

"Right. Press that button, yep. Good. Now we need something to go on the toast. Shall we check the fridge?"

"Yes. Jam. Need jam."

"Good idea. I have... let's see."

He carries Becca over and opens the fridge door. There's the jar of jam Leon brought over last time he was here and Gwen's homemade blackberry.

"Hmm. We have shop bought apricot and homemade blackberry."

Becca peers curiously at Gwen's jam.

"Can MAKE jam?"

"Yup. Or my friend can."

"No, from shops."

"You want apricot?"

"No. Jam comes from shops."

"And from fruit. My friend buys the fruit and boils it until it turns into jam."

Becca pulls the jar apricot out and holds onto it stubbornly. Arthur chuckles and grabs the butter and marmalade, shutting the door with his hip and going back over to the side. Becca re-takes her seat and Leon comes over with plates.

They're stood like that, bumping hips and nudging one another, laughing and eating jam with their fingers while buttering the toast when Morgana barges in, Merlin in tow. Arthur's just lifting Becca and Leon is leaning across her to demonstrate an eskimo kiss with Arthur. Merlin makes a choked noise and Arthur spins.

"Morgana!"

"Hello Arthur. Morning Leon. Oh, hey Becca."

Arthur raises an eyebrow but Morgana knows weird people. He doesn't ask. Just heads to the sink to wash Becca and himself from jam.

"Arthur, you have to tell Merlin that he has to come with me. I've even packed for him."

Arthur sighs, cleaning Becca's hands as she giggles in his ear. He's beginning to feel and bit shaky and he needs to sit down, he's hungry, there's suddenly a child he has to look after even though he's not feeling well and Morgana is being a spoilt brat.

"Leon, can you take her? I need to go yell at my sister."

Leon comes over and takes over washing Becca, resting a hand on Arthur's back briefly.

"You all right?"

"Yes. No. Will be."

"Okay. We'll eat this toast and make you some more, fresh."

"Thanks."

Arthur dries his hands and grabs Morgana by the shoulder.

"Merlin, you're coming with us."

He herds them into his office and shuts his door. They stand like naughty school children while he sinks into the couch with a groan resting his head on the back briefly.

"Well? Talk some sense into him!"

"Morgana..."

Arthur pauses, gearing up for yelling and hurting his head but Merlin is bright red and vibrating. Arthur raises an eyebrow at him.

"I don't need you to tell me off! Or to tell her off! This has nothing to do with your prat of a brother, Morgana."

Merlin spits the words out, glaring at Arthur. Arthur wonders what on earth he's done to set Merlin off this time.

"Um, all right. Morgana, you heard the man. Piss off."

"No! I want him with me! Get him to do what I say!"

"Morgana, you sound like a spoilt little bitch. You weren't raised this way. Get a grip!"

Merlin scoffs out a laugh.

"Wasn't raised this way? I'm sure you had such a difficult upbringing with Uther the uber wealthy there. I bet you had everything you're little hearts desired. Well, I'm not an object you can just order about!"

Arthur grimaces as his head sends a spike of pain down his neck and back. Merlin takes the grimace as some kind of confession and snorts in derision.

"See? You know what I'm talking about."

Arthur loses patience. He's tired, he's in pain and Merlin has something sharp up his arse that's coming out of his mouth.

"Not a clue Merlin, and I don't reckon you do either. You're being an arsehole right now. Nothing new there though, is there?"

Merlin waves a hand at himself, incredulous.

“I'm an arsehole? What about you!”

"What? What did I do?"

"Flirted with me! Pretended you were interested!"

Merlin goes bright red. Morgana is watching everything with curiosity and interest.

"Morgana, get out. Merlin's not going to Germany and this, whatever this is, is none of your business. I have a headache, I haven't slept and I don't feel well. I'm not in the mood to deal with you so just get the fuck out."

Morgana frowns and nods.

"Sorry. Migraine?"

"Yesterday."

"Sorry. I'll leave you alone. Bye."

She glares at Merlin one more time and sweeps out.

"Now, Merlin. What are you talking about? Pretended?"

"You, you. Argh! You flirt and pretend and then I walk in and find out you have a family! You have a child for fucks sake!"

Arthur frowns.

"I do?"

Merlin blinks at him and laughs.

"What? You do! Yes! You and that hairy man! Your partner?"

"My what? My Leon?"

Arthur's so confused right now. He has a child and a partner? Then he remembers the scene Merlin walked in on. Remembers how handsy Leon is when he's not feeling well, how protective and smiles, beams at Merlin.

"My partner! My child!"

"Yes!"

"That's just Leon. And Becca's a girl my neighbour's supposed to be babysitting but his daughter's sick so I have her. But that's just my Leon!"

"Your Leon."

"Yes. He was born across the street and our mother's were friends. Then we were friends and we still are. He's just Leon."

"But... the kiss. The hands. The child."

"She's cute isn't she? Becca. No idea where she comes from."

"Morgana knew her!"

"Yeah, that was weird wasn't it?"

Merlin looks subdued and embarrassed. Arthur just beams at him. Merlin was jealous! He was jealous.

"Ha! You like me!"

"What? No!"

"Yes! That display, that was jealousy! You want me! Ha!"

Arthur grins up at Merlin who is bright red and sputtering. Arthur laughs but stops when Merlin starts looking upset instead of embarrassed.

"Hey, it's not a bad thing. It's a bloody brilliant thing. I think you're a little bit wonderful. I thought you didn't like me though."

"I don't!"

"Can't deny it anymore. Not after that tantrum."

"I was just cross on Leon's behalf."

"Weak, Merlin. Weak."

"Arthur! I don't!"

"Do."

"Fine!"

Merlin's eyes fill with tears.

"Fine. I like you. You're sweet, you're funny, you care about the people around you. You're silly and nice and wonderful and it doesn't matter! I can't have you!"

"Why not?"

"Because of a stupid promise. A stupid, awful promise that I can't break!"

Merlin rushes out of the office. Arthur hears the front door slam. Leon pokes his head in and Becca copies him. Arthur laughs at their heads peeking round the door and rubs his face.

"Are you okay? What on earth just happened?"

"No idea. Merlin is a bunch of craziness."

"Right. Toast?"

Arthur nods but it's half hearted. He feels wrung out and sick right now. He puts a hand on his stomach and sighs.

"Or not. Don't want you throwing it back up. Do you want to go lie down? I can watch Becca."

Becca shakes her head and comes and nudges Arthur's knee with a yawn.

"Nap."

"Yeah, nap. Good idea. Thanks Leon, will you be sticking around?"

"Yeah. I called Percy and cancelled our date."

"Oh. Sorry. You can ask him over if you want."

"You feeling up to it?"

"Not at the moment. I might get up later though. He can come anyway."

"Okay. Thanks."

Arthur nods and lifts Becca, sleepy after the mere mention of naps, and heads to bed placing Becca on the other side of the bed where she turns face down and star fishes. He chuckles and falls asleep too.


	3. Chapter Three

He wakes up to dim evening light and hushed voices from the living room. Becca's gone but then he didn't expect her to be there. Naps only last so long for kids. He rolls over and buries his face in a pillow and wonders about Merlin and his tears.

“Hey, are you awake?”

“You know that's really creepy. How do you know when I wake up?”

“Same way I know when you have a headache. Same way you know when I'm worried, or when I'm not feeling well.”

Arthur sits up and rubs his face, testing the bruising behind his eyes. They ache but less than they did earlier.

“Oh God, I hate post Migraine icky-ness.”

“At least it was a short migraine this time. Remember when you were ten and you had to stay home a week?”

“That was after Dad remembered he has four years worth of presents and letters from Mum that he'd forgotten about.”

“Yeah. Are you getting up?”

“Slowly. Go back to Percy. Is Becca gone?”

“Yeah, her Mum came and got her.”

“Is Jed back?”

“He popped by to say Rosie has the flu, sorry for dumping Becca on you and sorry for getting so freaked out.”

Arthur nods and rubs at his head again trying to rub out the ache.

“Stop it, that doesn't help.”

Arthur pulls his hands away and Leon nods and leaves him alone to stagger out of bed. It takes him another twenty minutes to get himself up and then he walks into the living room and sits on the couch with a yawn.

“Hey Percy. How's it going?”

“Good. I got promoted on Friday.”

“Oh yeah? To what?”

“Manager. At my local coffee shop. But it's a job, yeah?”

“Sounds good.”

“Sorry to barge in.”

“No, I invited you. Leon was mooning.”

“I was not.”

Arthur smiles absently and blinks at the shut curtains.

“Thought the light might bother you. Gwen called to see how you were and if you wanted her to come over.”

“Nah, I'll be fine. I'm feeling better actually, just a throb and ache hanging on. I'll be fine tomorrow.”

“Take the day off.”

“No. I'm good.”

“Fine, don't call me if you get another headache.”

Arthur nods and thinks about Merlin's big blue eyes all swimmy with tears. Percy and Leon chat over his head for a while and eventually he gives up trying to be sociable.

“Guys, thanks for hanging around but you can head off now. I'm just going to crash.”

“All right. I left some soup in the fridge if you're hungry. See you soon.”

Leon pulls Percy out and Arthur relaxes into the blessed silence of being alone. He loves Leon for sticking around but loves him even more for knowing Arthur needs some space sometimes.

He goes back to bed and crashes. He sleeps right through to his alarm and wakes up feeling rested and ready to face a class who's essays he has not managed to mark. And Myror. Was it Myror who had the Guinea pig essay? Might have been Val. Ah yes, Myror's was about how the Germans developed time travel. Weird.

He takes the essays with him and tries to mark them in the staff room before nine o'clock but Gwen interrupts him with a cup of tea and an almond croissant.

"Sorry you weren't well this weekend, and sorry I wasn't there."

She blushes and Arthur assumes either Morgana or Elena is to blame for the red cheeks.

"Who's house were you at?"

"Morgana's. We went out Friday to a party that didn't finish until three pm on Saturday. I went to sleep but Morgana went out somewhere. I woke up on Sunday and we... well. She said it was because she wouldn't see me in a while."

"She's in Germany less than a week. Why'd you do it? She's not going to be kind, or fall for you."

"You said she liked me!"

"She does. She thinks you're smoking hot and lovely and probably lots of other things, but she's Morgana. She spends her time partying and having sex with randomers!"

"She does not! You are a horrible boy Arthur Pendragon and you are rude and, and... mean! You're mean. She isn't some kind of slag!"

"Yes, she is."

Gwen slaps him and storms away then storms back and takes away his tea and croissants.

"Hey!"

"Rude and mean, Arthur!"

Arthur looks sadly at his sugary hands, all that remains of his treat, and sighs. He supposes he should try and finish Val's Mesopotamians at least.

His classes are angry at him for not getting the essays done and much less lenient than he is with them when they don't manage. By lunch time he's already dealt with three mutinous classes, a shouting match and a bout of tears. And Val threatened him for failing the essay.

He is tired and his head's beginning to hurt again when he gets to the staff room, he probably should have listened to Leon about staying home. He slumps into a chair and remembers he forgot to make himself lunch. He groans and decides eating is for sissies before dozing off.

He's woken by a bang and he jumps, eyes snapping open. Gwen is glaring at him from across the table.

"You have essays to mark. Wake up."

"Shut up. Go away."

"No. You're mean so I'm going to be mean. Go do what you're paid to do, Arthur, and stop spoiling my view."

Arthur blinks. Wow. She's mad.

"Of course I'm mad! You cheapen my relationship with someone I care about and insult the woman I love, horribly! Of course I'm bloody man at you! You're damned lucky I'm not more mad!"

Ah. He said that aloud. Oops.

"Now get out before I yell at you some more."

Arthur gets. He goes and shuts himself in his office and marks essays until lesson time. He manages to get his last two classes completely marked so there's no mutiny but there are still tears, accusations and yelling.

He massages his head as Myror roars about how the Nazis did have time travel experiments and that he should have got an A while Sophia sobs in the corner because her boyfriend broke up with her and now she got a C.

"Are you all right, Sir?"

Arthur looks up to see Freya biting her lip looking worried.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Sorry. Just a headache."

"Oh. Okay. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, that's what I'm here for. Questions and..."

He gestures to the chaos that is his class room right now. Freya smiles briefly.

"Are you Morgana LeFey's brother?"

Arthur sighs and readies himself for another request for tickets.

"Yeah, I am. What do you want signed? What show do you want to get into?"

"None! I wouldn't... that's rude, to ask for that. I'd never heard of her until my brother started drumming for her. I wondered if you knew him?"

"Your brother. Merlin?"

"Yes. You know him?"

"Yeah, in a way. He's your brother?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Um, say hi to him. Look, I've got to deal with..."

He waves his hand again. Freya nods and smiles shyly. Arthur stands.

"Right. Quiet!"

Everyone shuts up. Sophia's crying is the only sound.

"Sophia, dry your face. You can get that up to an A easily, you have good enough grades. I'll let you write another one. There are a lot of questions on that sheet. Myror. Whether the Germans were doing experiments on time travel or whether you fell asleep listening to Doctor Who again I don't know. I do know that I've asked you over and over again for sources. You need to back up your points. You haven't. So sit down. Everyone else stop talking and pay attention. Thank you."

Sophia has stopped crying. Arthur sighs in relief as the pounding in his skull subsides.

"Now, is there an area you want to revise today?"

No hands.

"Good. I was going to go over Hitler's effect on German infrastructure but my head hurts and you have been such brats so far I don't really want to. You can go home early. Thank you."

Arthur turns to pack up the remaining essays and paperwork he needs to complete for tomorrow as the class shuffles out, some apologizing as they go. When he turns, Myror, Sophia and Vivian are waiting for him.

"Yes, Myror first."

"Um."

"Come on, I'm impatient not cross."

To Arthur's surprise Myror laughs.

"I'm embarrassed, not scared. No offence but you're the least frightening person I know."

"I can be intimidating! I played rugby at uni!"

"Really."

"Stop it. What do you need?"

"I don't know how to find sources."

"Well, you could start by looking for sources on realistic things, not time travel and guinea pig farms."

Sophia giggles and Myror glares.

"Sophia and Viv, wait outside."

They go. Myror looks uncomfortable again instead of murderous.

"I don't remember the points I'm making."

"Do you have your notes?"

"No. My father burnt them last time he went out and got drunk."

Arthur sighs. He talked to Myror's father more than once. He's a good guy, except when he drinks.

"Right. How's that?"

"Not good."

"Your mother?"

"Coping."

"Good. Do you want to talk to the counsellor again? It might help. He might have some suggestions for sleeping that don't include listening to audio books of Doctor Who and screwing up essays."

Myror blushes. He's not stupid, Arthur doesn't know why he keeps writing such drivel.

"How much time do you take to do an essay?"

"Like the sheet says."

"Okay. Stop timing yourself. I'll give you my notes to borrow tomorrow, try and make your own from them. Note arguments for and against points, sources, places to look for sources for specific information. And try not to stress your Dad out?"

Myror glares.

"I don't! It's not my fault!"

"All right. I know it's not. I know. I didn't mean that. How are you doing with your brother's death?"

"He died when I was five, I barely knew him."

"It can still affect you."

"Yeah. That counsellor helped."

"Good. I can set up another appointment?"

"No. I'll do what you suggested about the essays."

"Okay. Find someone to talk to, anyone. About anything."

"I have someone."

Arthur grins as a blush spreads over Myror's dark cheeks, showing even through the pigment.

"Oh yeah? What's her name? Or his name?"

Myror's head comes up sharply and he stares at Arthur.

"How did...?"

"I didn't. I always add that, just in case. What is his name?"

"No one."

"Okay. You don't have to tell me."

"Gili."

Arthur raises an eyebrow.

"Really?"

"He's sweet. But he can be mean. He gets my humour. He isn't above boasting and showing off. I like him."

"All right. Okay. Not who I expected is all. Talk to him about essays, then. And look at his notes. They're far better than mine. He can help you."

"I haven't said I'm struggling."

"He's smart and he can help you. Talk to him."

"All right. Thank you Arthur."

"Get out and send the girls in."

Myror troops out. Gili, really? You never can tell with these things. Sophia comes tripping in coyly, as ever.

"Yes Sophia?"

"Can I really get an A?"

"Easily. Try another question on the same topic tonight and I'll mark it before Friday. The last essay you handed in was good, look over that and see if you can work out what you did differently. I can't remember much, but the quoted sources were good and your structure was brilliant. If you still struggle we can go over it then."

"Okay. Thank you Arthur."

Arthur waves her away and picks up his rucksack. He wishes he could go gossip with Gwen about Myror and Gili but his head hurts, she's mad and he still has to cycle home. Which he'd forgotten about.

"Damn."

He pulls out his phone and is about to call Leon when he remembers Leon won't bale him out. Gwen's mad. Jed isn't that kind of friend. Morgana's in Germany. Maybe he really is a sad loner with no friends.

He goes and sits in his office for twenty minutes, hoping he'll feel better. No such luck- he just starts feeling nauseous and lonely. He can't believe there's no one he can call. He flicks through his phone book again and pauses.

Merlin.

Merlin owes him a lift and he's not working right now and Arthur got him out of going to Germany. And Arthur wants to apologise for pushing things when Merlin was upset, reassure him that nothing will happen.

He presses call.

-'lo?-

"Hey, it's Arthur."

-Hmm?-

"Arthur. Morgana's brother."

-Know who you are. Why you calling?-

"Are you still asleep?"

-Was.-

"Oh. Sorry. I was calling to apologise. For pushing things. And to beg a favour."

-What?-

"Can you come pick me up from college and drive me home? I'd ask one of my friends but they're both mad at me and I'd like to think you're my friend. Partly because I realised I only have two and need to beef up the numbers but also because I like you. And my head hurts. Excuse me."

Arthur rests the mobile on his desk, grabs the bin and vomits into it. He's glad he forgot his lunch now. Oh god. Not this again. He heaves as his stomach tries to escape then spits. He ties up the bag when he's done.

"Hello?"

-Did you just go and throw up?-

"Maybe."

-I thought your migraine was Saturday?-

"Should have taken the day off today, taken it easy."

-I'll come get you.-

"Thank y-"

Merlin's already hung up. Arthur struggles to his feet, gets his stuff and walks down to the main bins to get rid of his vomit then goes to sit on the wall and wait for Merlin. His phone buzzes.

"Yeah?"

-Me, Merlin. Where do you work?-

"College. Where Freya goes."

-What?-

"Your sister."

-How did you know?-

"She asked if I knew you."

-Oh. All right. See you in about twenty minutes.-

Arthur holds onto his head until Merlin arrives in a tiny red banger, hopping out and grinning at Arthur, laughing at him.

"You look horrible. Come on, I'll take you home and tuck you in."

"Thank you for this. It's a bit of a cheek, I know."

"It's fine. It's not far, I'm not working. Why are your mates mad at you?"

Arthur gets into the car and buckles up before answering.

"Leon refuses to help me out of anything I get into out of my own stupidity."

"Like triggering a headache out of stubbornness?"

"Yes. Gwen's mad because I insulted Morgana and insinuated that Gwen wasn't able to make her own decisions."

"Oh. Good reasons then."

"Yes. I'd forgotten I only have two friends, they always seem like so many."

Merlin laughs at Arthur's bewilderment and the car clunks to a stop for the traffic lights.

"They seem very chaotic."

"Yeah."

"Um. Freya's in your class?"

"Yes. she write amazing essays."

"She does. She also has a crush on this guy, maybe you can tell me about him."

"Protective big brother?"

"More curious."

"I might know him."

"Gili."

Arthur giggles and covers his mouth.

"What?"

"He's gay. Or bi. But he's dating Myror. Myror who writes about guinea pig farms and time travel in his history essays. And Gili who's a little genius. It's funny."

"Okay."

"Maybe you have to know them."

"so he doesn't fancy Freya?"

"No, sorry. I reckon I know someone who does though."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup. He's a first year. He's kind of cute. He's called Gaius and he's very sweet."

"Gaius. Hmm. Freya's mentioned him. They're friends."

"Mm."

Arthur lets his eyes fall shut. The whizzing scenery is making him nauseous. Merlin remains silent till they reach Arthur's.

"Do you want to come in? Yours is all the way across town from here."

"Thanks. I don't want to make you socialise if you're not well."

"I'm just gonna be a couch potato and watch films. I'd like the company, actually. For once."

"Feeling lonely?"

"It's a lonely feeling, having no one to call when you need a hand."

Arthur's embarrassed that that popped out of his mouth but Merlin just nods and comes in with him. They watch Star Trek and Merlin mocks it mercilessly while Arthur dozes in and out. The doorbell goes later and Arthur jerks awake.

“Wha'?”

Merlin laughs and pauses the TV then laughs more. Arthur tries to understand the hilarity but he's tired and his head hurts so he gives up pretty fast and gets up to get the door. He opens it to see Gwen looking all sheepish holding a flask.

“Sorry. I yelled and was an arse earlier. I brought you soup. And I brought...”

Gwen pulls a DVD from behind her back and Arthur squints.

“Oh. Morse. Awesome. Come in, we're watching Star Trek but this is cooler. I'm sure Merlin will agree.”

“Merlin's here?”

“Needed a ride home and Leon told me not to go in today.”

“Are you taking tomorrow off?”

“Yeah. I talked to Phips.”

“Good.”

Gwen follows him back to the living room and Arthur crashes back onto the sofa. Gwen starts laughing just like Merlin but Arthur still can't work it out until they point to the screen. One of the actors is frozen in the act of doing who knew what and his face is in a silly position. Arthur rolls his eyes.

“Honestly. You're so childish.”

“Do you want to watch this or Morse, Merlin?”

“Hmm. Morse! Of course. Oh, that rhymes. Arthur told me he called Morgana a slapper today.”

“It was slag.”

Merlin laughs and nods, resting a hand on Arthur's shoulder to gently slap. Arthur smiles.

“She is a bit. Nothing wrong with that. Put that DVD in, Gwen.”

Gwen does, with a frown on her face. She comes and sits next to Arthur and when the show starts she leans over to whisper to him.

“Is she? I mean, doesn't she like me?”

Arthur sighs and rubs his face.

“Sorry. She does, she loves you. Though I'm sorry I ever told you that. Morgana has her own issues and she won't. Not even for you.”

“I can wait.”

“If you want monogamy waiting won't help.”

Gwen shrugs.

“I love her.”

“She'll chew you up and spit you out.”

“You make her a monster.”

“She is. She's beautiful and powerful and very kind, but she's also selfish and insensitive at times. She sort of forgets people.”

“I love her.”

“I know you do. I don't want her to hurt you though, and I think she might.”

“Might. She might not.”

“Surprise me then.”

Arthur watches Gwen but she doesn't stay long. She leaves the DVD and Merlin and Arthur leave it on. Arthur finds he can't doze off again though, even with just Merlin's peaceful presence here. He stands and goes to the mantel piece to look at the photo of Morgana when she was younger. She has her arm slung over his shoulder. He's pretty sure she's in the middle of telling him off but he remembers her warmth, her protection.

“What's her deal?”

“Hmm?”

“I mean about relationships.”

Arthur sighs again and grips the mantle piece.

“You don't have to tell me.”

“I can't. She'll kill me. It might kill her.”

“That's fine. She's not just a slut though, is she?”

“No.”

“So she might be able to fall in love with Gwen.”

“She already did, a while ago. It doesn't... it's big and hard and scary and so many things Morgana might not cope with.”

“Sorry. I know what it's like to find relationships difficult.”

“Sorry about that, the other night. I'm happy being friends with you.”

“Thank you. I'll tell you one day, I guess. It's just I'm not sure you'll like me much after you know and I like that you like me.”

“All right. I won't ask. I do like you though. I can't promise something won't make a difference but I can promise to be open minded and to not judge without giving you time and a chance to explain and go over things. I won't jump to conclusions. I'll try not at least.”

“Thank you. That's nice.”

“Would you mind leaving? Sorry. It's just that my head hurts and I want to go cry and then call Morgana.”

Merlin laughs and gives him a hug.

“I don't have to leave for you to cry. I can stay, if you'd like a body to hold onto?”

Arthur shakes his head but the tears are already coming. He presses his face into Merlin's shoulder and growls in frustration.

“Sorry. It's been a long day and I always feel off kilter after the meds and Gwen was cross and I was stuck and Morgana's away and thinking about her makes me sad sometimes.”

Arthur wonders why he's telling this to an almost not stranger. It's weird. He hardly ever talks about 'feelings' and it's even rarer to talk about Morgana. He closes his eyes and lets Merlin hold him while the tears damped Merlin's shoulder.

Merlin soothes him, rubs his back and tucks him into bed. He stays until Arthur falls asleep and when Arthur wakes the next morning he finds a note.

-hope you feel better you silly thing, from Merlin-

Arthur blinks at it then goes back to sleep. He dozes, sleeps and watches TV all day and, when he goes back to work, he's ready to yell at his students again. He actually feels better than he did before the migraine. Only two more weeks till the holidays and then he can sit in the garden and relax with his eternal essay stack.

He gets a week alone and he finds himself relishing it less than usual. He worries about Morgana in Germany, about Myror at home with his crazy father, about Merlin and his blue eyes and his fear of relationships. He worries about Gwen and her infatuation of, crush on or love for Morgana. By Sunday afternoon he's worked himself into a pacing, muttering mess.

Which is, of course, how Morgana finds him. She barges into the kitchen and he turns sharply and sneezes at her. He's been marking in the garden all morning and his nose is completely stuffed up. He didn't want to go in though, Rosie was asleep in her pram beside him and he hated to risk waking her.

“You look awful. Here, have a tissue.”

“Deed a hudred of theb.”

Morgana smiles at him which is unusual and hands him the whole packet. He takes it warily, watching her with suspicion.

“Who did you kill?”

“No one! It was brilliant. I brought you the video.”

“Oh good. Bore videos.”

“Shut up, you watch them. I know you do! How's Merlin?”

“Berlid? How should I dow?”

“Dough? Oh! Know. Because you fancy the pants off him?”

“Have't seed hib id a week. Excuse be.”

Arthur turns and sneezes three times, each more forceful than the last, then blows his nose thoroughly.

“Sorry.”

“Bless you. Are you all right?”

“Was id the garded too log. Ugh.”

“Sinus pain?”

“Do, just sdeezy ad stuffed up.”

Arthur blows his nose again and assesses his sister.

“Come through to the office.”

“Sure, what's up?”

“Stuff.”

Arthur sits on the couch with her and takes a deep breath.

“Morgana. Gwen's in love with you.”

“No she's not! We're friends. For gods sake Arthur, two gay girls can be friends without falling for each other.”

“Sure. Gwen's not gay, she's bi, as are you. And she's in love with you.”

“Shut up.”

“She's not like Tauren. She'd never even touch you without your permission.”

“You don't know anything Arthur! Shut up!”

“No. You love her and she's the most gentle, most kind person in the world. She's patient and loving and perfect for you. And willing to wait.”

Morgana, who had jumped up, now advances on him. He has no doubt she's about to hurt him.

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her you were a slut. She yelled at me even though I had a headache, a migraine recovery headache.”

Morgana smiles at that, all teeth and more threatening than friendly.

“Good for her.”

“Tell her yourself. I think she could-”

Morgana slaps him. Really hard. Then she drags her nails across his cheek and steps back.

“Don't dare to presume to know what's good for me. Or what could help. I won't burden Gwen with my baggage, I'm not as selfish as you are.”

“She loves you. She doesn't care. You think I shouldn't be patient with Merlin, shouldn't love him, should leave him alone because he has 'baggage'?”

“He told you?”

“No. Nor has he told you. You haven't told Gwen or Merlin, they both know you have issues, they both love you anyway.”

“No, you should love Merlin. He's wonderful.”

“Mm. So are you.”

“Oh.”

“You are. You're beautiful and talented and loads of other stuff. You're also an evil harpy and a bit mean sometimes.”

Arthur gestures to his stinging cheek as a case in point.

“I love you anyway, yeah? You know that. Why shouldn't Gwen?”

“I can't... I couldn't... sex.”

Arthur can't help laughing.

“It's not important Morgs. Gwen isn't as... active as you are. She won't demand monogamy or... um... sex... ew, please wash my brain. Not till you're ready. She's patient.”

“I don't want to.”

“Now you're just being petulant. She'll go slow and if she doesn't I promise to hang her by her fingernails and make her.”

Morgana laughs, then sits again and sobers.

“What did you do to Tauren?”

Arthur smiles happily and sighs in contentment.

“Ah, the screams.”

Morgana punches him. She'd refused to press charges or be involved in any kind of legal things so Arthur had found another way. He's got Tauren charged under another name and made sure the trial was closed so Morgana would never know that he was in prison, just that she is safe from him forever. Because Arthur promised her.

“Idiot.”

“Harpy.”

“Dumbo.”

“Um, Elmer!”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“Nope. Though, you do look a bit... what have you been eating?”

Arthur launches himself off the couch and Morgana chases him round the house as if they were children again, both of them cackling and shrieking.

Morgana makes him promise to come to a rehearsal later in the week and invites herself and Merlin over for dinner that same evening 'before your terrors drown you in work and you disappear into a marking hole'.

He's feeling upbeat on Thursday, happy and enthusiastic about his students. Which isn't rare, but some of it is. Val stood up in class today and told everyone that he was sorry for being a bully to one of the first year girls. He said he was talking to a therapist who said he had to apologise to everyone.

Arthur gently, without letting his amusement show, pointed out that his therapist probably meant Val to apologise to the people he's hurt, not every single person he ever comes in contact with. Val had gone bright red and tried to leave but the class had started clapping him and he'd sat down again. It was weird because most of them hated Val. Arthur wonders if he's seen a miracle. Gwen scoffed at that and told him he was ridiculous, but he still wonders.

Myror had handed in an essay proudly and told Arthur things were better at home now and Gili had helped him. Arthur read it warily but it was a good essay. The points were mostly backed up with sources and there were no ridiculous ideas. Well, there was a speculation about time travel and a brief mention of Hitler's plans to start up guinea pig farming, but Arthur's pretty sure it's a joke. It's a solid C mark essay.

The last of Arthur's miracles is that Freya, shy little Freya with the huge eyes and little voice, had walked in hand in hand with Gaius and, blushing furiously, he'd placed her bag on her desk and kissed her goodbye. Freya had been bright red all lesson and Arthur had had to hide his amusement again.

So he's feeling pleased with his students when he wanders into the studio Morgana has chosen for practise this week (she has three of the things). He runs his fingers over the pictures of the artists who've recorded here pausing at the photo of Morgana's mother and pausing at the painting his own mother had done for Morgana, her god-daughter.

“Sir?”

Arthur turns to see a new security guy on the door. Arthur walks over and smiles but the guy doesn't react.

“Hey, I'm Arthur. Morgana should have made a note that she's expecting me.”

The guy checks his clipboard and shakes his head.

“No note.”

“I'm her brother.”

“Didn't mention you.”

“Um, use your ear thing and talk to her then.”

“I'm not allowed to interrupt practise for any reason.”

“They haven't started practising yet!”

“We don't know that, Sir.”

“You might not but I do.”

“Very well Sir.”

The man doesn't move. Arthur sighs in frustration.

“Look, I'm her brother! If you won't talk to her let me.”

Arthur takes a step forward and finds himself pinned to the wall, arm pulled back and shoved into the small of his back. He sighs and relaxes. Why does this always happen to him? Every new guy seems to think he's some crazy. He's going to kill Morgana. Arthur hears the door open and someone laughing. He tries to turn his head but that seems to convince the guy to put more pressure on his arm.

“Ow! Whoever that is laughing, tell this oaf who I am!”

“Well, I might just leave you there. It's pretty funny.”

Arthur recognises that voice.

“Hey Merlin. Your sister got walked to class and kissed goodbye by Gaius today.”

“Really? Yes! I suggested she look under her nose. I am a genius!”

“Yeah, sure. I think you'll find she's the genius.”

“That's true. Why can't we both be geniuses? Genii?”

“Geniuses. By popularity. Dunno about grammatically. Ow, would you get him off me? Please?”

“Oh! Sorry. Tris, this is Arthur who is Morgana's brother.”

“You sure Merlin? He tried to walk through.”

Merlin laughs again but he must do something because 'Tris' let's Arthur go. Arthur turns and glares at Merlin then walks into the rehearsal room with as much dignity as he can. Morgana's sitting on a chair messing with a microphone. Merlin's drums are ranged behind her.

“Arthur. Hello.”

She stands and kisses his cheek with a surprising amount of fondness. Arthur smiles at her and kisses her cheek in return.

“How are you?”

“Good. Been practising in the house this week but Merlin wanted to have a go with recording equipment.”

Arthur looks around, confused. There are no sound guys, no people rushing around prepping things.

“Not today, we're just using the studio and practising with the acoustics. How are you?”

“Good. Except your new goon did his shtick. I wish you'd tell them who I bloody am! You're a pig.”

She grins at him in delight and bursts out laughing. It amuses her to put him through these things. Before Arthur can retort, Merlin bounces over and claps him on the back.

“Sorry about that. Forgot you were coming in today. Tris is rather over enthusiastic. He needs the job, wife and kid see?”

“Right. It's Morgana's fault. She does it on purpose. She finds it entertaining.”

“I do. I really do. You should hear Arthur screech 'do you know who I AM?'”

“I did. It was fantastic.”

Merlin and Morgana link arms and walk to the front. Arthur sulks and sits down in the only 'audience' chair. He reaches for the bowl of Smarties he knows is there and settles in to listen. Morgana and Merlin start with a four four beat, improvising some kind of wailing blues tune. It sounds good, though Arthur's never going to admit it.

They go through a repertoire Arthur's already heard most of but there are one or two songs that really bring out their voices in harmony and Merlin's drumming turns from good to absolute genius. Arthur closes his eyes and then opens them, not wanting to miss a second of Merlin's concentration.

Merlin is beautiful when he drums. Arthur's decided this is just a fact. His arms control the sticks and his body seems to control the rhythm. He moves constantly and his musculature moves with him. His eyes light up, it wasn't just the lighting in the stadium. They kind of shine, though Arthur's loath to admit that.

Arthur's still staring at Merlin when Morgana draws the practise down. He has his hand in the Smarties but he forgot about them a long time ago. He's just staring at Merlin as he sits behind his drums and he and Morgana make notes. Arthur stares until Morgana comes over and nudges him gently.

“Arthur? Hello? You in there?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“Are you okay? Um, you've done something weird with your Smarties.”

Arthur shakes himself and looks at the bowl in his lap. The Smarties are sorted into their colours. When had he done that? How had he even done that without looking?

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. Come on brother, let's go eat food. You all right to cook still?”

“Yes. I made a pasta bake this morning. I just have to put it in the oven and make veggies and salad.”

Arthur smiles as he remembers which salad was Merlin's favourite as Merlin wanders over.

“Hey. Whoa, whatcha do that for?”

Arthur follows Merlin's eyes to the bowl and, embarrassed, shakes it up and puts the bowl down, standing sharply. Unfortunately this sends smarties skittering over the floor and the bowl shatters as it hits the ground.

“Oh, Arthur. Go on, you take Merlin over to yours. Let me deal with this. You're such an idiot.”

Morgana sounds amused and she kisses his cheek and rubs his shoulder so he doesn't think she's really mad. He nods and turns, bumping into the chair and tripping. Morgana catches and steadies him with a sigh.

“Maybe Merlin should drive.”

“Sorry. Shut up. Come on Merlin.”

He checks Merlin's following him this time as he hurries to the car. He pauses at his mother's painting and Morgana's mother's photo out of habit and then bursts out into the air and breaths deeply.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Fine. You were amazing. It was...”

Merlin laughs, then blushes.

“Oh. You're flustered. I thought you were upset.”

Arthur blushes furiously and strides to the car. He can't believe Merlin knows. Can't believe he's made such a fool of himself. He suddenly, sharply, misses his mother. It's odd how these moments creep up on him.

“Hey, I think it's sweet. Sorry for laughing. And sorry I can't...”

Merlin looks embarrassed as well. Arthur sighs and shakes his head.

“You just look so confident and... well, beautiful. Free. My mother. Um. She used to tell me that the people we love should look like that in our presence. Because we should be comfortable and trust one another with that part of ourselves.”

“That's really... wow. Yeah. My Mum says similar.”

Arthur smiles and slides into the car waiting for Merlin to get in too before doing his belt and pulling away. They don't talk on the way home and Arthur's glad. His head's contemplating his mother and the fact that he might love Merlin.

Merlin helps him get dinner ready while chattering on and on about Freya and Gaius. Merlin texted her before the rehearsal and she'd told him to buzz off and mind his own, then told him she was so excited about having a boyfriend and could Merlin give any tips. So Merlin was also debating what tips to give her.

“Obviously not sex stuff. She's far too young for that, just a little bitty baby.”

Arthur rolls his eyes and slices the cucumber. He'd decided Merlin would probably cut himself (Merlin had agreed) so Meriln was tearing the lettuce and was going to grate the carrots. If he didn't eat them all first.

“No, not sex. So I guess, stuff about love? What do you think? What tips would you give Moragna?”

Arthur remembers his conversation with Morgana about Gwen and shakes his head. He's not willing to explain but he can't really identify with Merlin right now.

“Come on! You must have something to offer. What about from experience?”

Arthur snorts, then remembers Ewan and bursts out laughing, utterly embarrassed. He cuts his finger in his embarrassment. Merlin tuts and hurries over taking the finger and running it under the tap.

“It's fine, just a scratch.”

“Sure. Where do you keep plasters?”

“In the cupboard above the sink.”

“Right. Stay.”

Arthur barks quietly making Merlin chuckle again. Merlin's very efficient and soon Arthur's finger is covered with a Fireman Sam plaster (for Rosie! She loves them!) and Merlin's leaning against the counter grinning.

“So, what is it that brought that on? Tell!”

“Not advice. Or, I guess. Don't let a guy talk her into letting him stick his phone up his arse and get you to ring him.”

Merlin gapes then bursts out laughing. Arthur smiles ruefully.

“We were only eighteen. He had a really strong vibrate mode.”

“Ew, no details please.”

“Ewan had a really lovely arse.”

Arthur thinks about it and sighs in contentment. Merlin laughs harder and Arthur shakes himself and glares.

“Oh shut up. Like you don't have the bum you compare all bums to.”

Merlin, who had just started to get a hold of himself, snorts and splutters back into laughter. Arthur gathers his dignity and goes back to chopping.

“So, I gave you am embarrassing story, your turn.”

“Let me... get my breath.”

Arthur smiles and puts the torn lettuce in the bowl, then the cucumber and gets started on the radishes and beetroot.

“Okay. So there was this one guy. He wanted to try a threesome but... he... uh, the guy turned out to... well. He got the wrong end of the stick and turned up with all these... toys. We were so embarrassed at the misunderstanding we went along with it. I don't think I've ever had so much stuff up my arse. Quite the variety, too.”

“So, avoid cell phones up arse and boys who come with tool box. Shall I text Freya for you?”

“No! Tell me another. This is fun.”

By the time Morgana arrives they've forgotten about her. They're sitting with wine glasses of juice both red as tomatoes and laughing more than Arthur can remember doing before. Morgana stomps in and glares.

“Hello boys, is dinner ready?”

Arthur spins and jumps up to run to the kitchen and salvage the slightly singed pasta bake.

At the end of the evening Arthur can't help himself. When Morgana goes to the car Arthur grabs Meriln's hand and shushes him.

“Come back on Friday. Don't tell Morgana. It's the start of my marking hole and I never let people come over, she'll get jealous.”

“Um, okay?”

“You're calm and soothing. Not chaotic and problematic like my other mates. That's not to say if you do have a problem you can't come to me, I love my mates dearly and love that they feel comfortable invading my house and my work.”

“I do have a problem.”

“Yeah?”

“What the hell do I tell Frey?”

Arthur thinks for a minute. Imagines what he told Morgana before. It makes him wince, but he remembers his advice.

“Be safe. Don't be afraid to say no. Don't let him push you around. Talk to someone if you get into a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Have fun but don't lose track of yourself in that. Um, lust is blinding sometimes, be careful. Love him.”

“Oh. Yeah. That's... thank you.”

Merlin jogs to the car and Arthur notices Morgana waiting in the doorway.

“Merlin's at the car.”

“I'm not blind, I saw him. He went right past me! I heard... you know... that. Um. It made it easier, made me able to stop it. The... you can come to me for help bit was good. I just... I'm glad you were there to stop him going further.”

“Even though you sometimes feel what happened doesn't really count?”

“Yes. Because I'm glad it didn't...”

“Yeah. Okay. I love you Morgana. I.. God.”

“What me to leave you alone so you can go cry?”

“Merlin stayed. Last time I cried.”

“Oh. Wow. You let him?”

“No choice, I was already bloody crying!”

Morgana laughs and cups his face before jogging to the car. Arthur hopes she'll be okay. And that Merlin appreciates the painfully given advice. And that Merlin might trust him. And that Gwen's all right. God, he's such a worry wart. He goes and lies on his bed until the tears come and then go.


	4. Chapter Four

Arthur lets his classes play games all Friday. He's not supposed to, not for half terms, but they're all so hyped up and ready to head home that he gives up on teaching them anything. He takes in essays and splits the classes into teams for pictionary. He makes the lists of words History-related so it's not entirely... okay, it's useless. But very fun.

He gets home early and dumps everything he has to mark in his office ready to be sorted before going to scavenge in his empty kitchen for food.

"Old Mother Hubbard, lived in a cupboard. With her dog and no bones."

Someone giggles behind him and Arthur spins, aiming the convenient weapon... of a chopstick. Great. Luckily it's just Jed with Rosie in his arms.

"The door was open."

"Oops. Hello. Hey there, Rosie's nose."

Arthur presses gently and she giggles. Arthur frowns and looks up at Jed.

"Was that YOU giggling before?"

Jed makes a you-got-me face and shrugs.

"That's not how the rhyme goes."

"I could never remember it when I was little and got it muddled with the lady in the shoe one."

"Ah. Well, as luck would have it Rosie and I came down here to see if we could get you anything from the big farm shop? We're going on an adventure."

"Yes please! I have a list on the fridge, just get whatever's there or a close substitute. I'll settle the bill when you get back?"

"Sure. We brought you some more rose heads too."

Jed shifts Rosie and reaches for his back pocket pulling out four long stalks. Arthur raises an eyebrow thinking he'd never, ever put horned flowers near his arse. Jed obviously reads his mind because he laughs as Arthur takes the flowers and doesn't stop until Arthur shoves the list into his hand.

"Sorry. You're face was classic. These are a thorn-less variety. I'll be back later."

Jed leaves still laughing to himself and Arthur shuts himself in his office for the afternoon only pausing to let Jed in and settle up. He's trying to wade through one of Nim's seriously fascist, right of Musolini arguments when the doorbell goes.

He sighs and gets up to stomp down the hall and fling open the door, admonishment and ire on the tip of his tongue. It stops when he sees Merlin on the other side and he literally chokes on his words, coughing into Merlin's face.

Merlin just laughs and shoves inside, shutting the door, and lead, Arthur back to the office, hands him the glass of water sat on the desk and shoves him onto the sofa.

"You forgot you invited me over, didn't you?"

"Maybe. Thanks."

"No problem. Need me to leave?"

"No. Let's make dinner and pretend to drink wine in the garden."

"Okay. Sounds good. Don't forget to take a pill. As lovely as you are, you sneezing does not do things to me."

"Lovely? I am?"

"Oh stop fishing unless it's to catch dinner. I'm hungry and you promised me food!"

"I don't think I did."

Merlin gets out his phone and scrolls before shoving it in Arthur's face with a text blinking at him. Or no, he's the one blinking. Arthur leans back so he can read it.

-bought fresh pasta :) food for Friday, yes?-

"Oh. I'd forgotten about that, too. Well. Tagliatelli, garlic bread, salad and antipasti sound all right?"

"Yes. Anything."

"I have some grapes too. Courtesy of Rosie stealing a few and the shop keeper, are they still called that? Well, he made Jed buy the whole packet. He hates grapes and Rosie's learning not to take. So I have grapes."

"Okay. I can wait."

Arthur blushes and hurries to the kitchen to chop things. Or something. To get away from Merlin's gentle amusement as his expense.

Merlin eats as much as Arthur remembers and then some more. There's not a scrap of pasta or sauce (Merlin mopped the pan with bread) the salad bowl is empty and the entire stick of garlic bread is eaten.

"Wow."

"Thank you, thank you very much."

Arthur laughs as Merlin pats his stomach and burps.

"I don't actually eat quite this much usually but you're food tastes goood."

"Thanks."

"Hey, why do you press roses?"

Arthur glances at where Merlin's eyes have settled wondering where the question came from and sees the stems of roses resting on the counter. He gets up and gathers them, heading through to the office. He needs to press these before they die and get the ones Jed gave him last weekend out.

Merlin follows him, glass of juice in his hand smile on his face. Arthur can feel those blue, blue eyes boring into him as he works. He pulls the old ones out and replaces them with these fresh one, careful of the delicate petals. He re-screws the press and picks up the flat roses.

"I'll show you."

He hasn't shown anyone this in years. Leon was the last person he showed and they'd been thirteen. Even Gwen hasn't seen. But Merlin's so soft and so trust-worthy. Or maybe Arthur's utterly infatuated, he can't really tell.

He leads Merlin to the living room and gets onto the couch to pull the hat box down. It's a big hat box, an old one of his Mother's, maybe four feet around and two feet deep. He places it on the floor and takes off the lid, old dry petals fluttering up, dislocated from the flower that owned them.

"Wow. You've got a lot of these."

“I make them fresh all the time.”

"Why? The box of petals, I mean."

Arthur places the new flowers on top of the pile and digs carefully through until he finds it. He pulls it out and shows Merlin.

"A book? You collect roses and press them to pack a book in a giant ass hat box? I'm missing something."

Arthur rolls his eyes and wriggles the thin volume for Merlin to take. Merlin does and flicks through, then flicks more slowly. Arthur closes his eyes and looks at the pages with him. The little names and pictures of all the roses, the neat handwritten notes of poems and little bits of writing.

"Oh. 'Arthur took a step today. I'll put it here, under Rosa Alba or White Rose because in the catalogue it was called 'proud'.

I planted these in our garden and Arthur always calls them 'his roses'. His sense of ownership is coming on strongly. I must talk Uther into helping me curb that.

This is Arthur's favourite rose. He says it's his favourite because it's a /spitzi/ colour, whatever that is, but I think it's because there are closest to the house and walking is disagreeable to him.

We found out that Arthur is allergic to phlox today while at the garden centre, he sneezed right in the helper's face.'"

Arthur speaks along in his head.

"Wow. This is... it's full of you."

"And roses."

"So you keep boxes and boxes of roses?"

"I started to fill a box to keep this in and kind of couldn't stop."

Merlin laughs and Arthur opens his eyes to smile ruefully, not ashamed but a bit helpless with this. He scratches his head.

"Shall we go sit under some real roses?"

"Thank you Merlin."

"For?"

"Just, for nothing."

For not making a big deal here. For not asking questions. For being you. Arthur puts the box back and goes to get his own juice before leading the way out to the bench. They sit side by side in silence and Arthur sighs in contentment. This is what he loves about life.

"Arthur. I think you trusted me with something huge tonight."

And this is what he hates. People looking for meaning in things when most of the time his actions are motivated simply by feeling.

"Yeah, it's nothing."

"I think you trusted me and I want to trust you in return. I want to trust you."

"You don't have to tell me stuff to prove you trust me."

"No. I know. And I wasn't planning on talking."

Arthur looks up with a politely inquisitive face wondering how to get rid of Merlin but then Merlin's kissing him and he doesn't want to get rid of Merlin. Arthur makes an embarrassing sound and pushes into the kiss until Merlin takes control and Arthur can give himself over to it completely.

Arthur spends far too much of half term lying around thinking about Merlin's lips. And Merlin's eyes. They fluttered closed as he kissed Arthur, blue slits disappearing beneath perfect, porcelain lids. Thinking about Merlin's little whimper as Arthur stole his breath. Arthur touches his mouth a lot, wondering if Merlin's breath is still there, knowing it's not.

He has banished Merlin the rest of the week just like the rest of his friends. It was so tempting to just give in and let Merlin come over and kiss him every night but he has so much marking to do it was ridiculous. Morgana pops by once to make sure he's eating and Leon and Percy drag him from the house for a walk in the park for fifteen minutes at the weekend but otherwise he marks and dreams about Merlin.

He gets his marking done but only just. Myror's essays have improved impressively but Val still has a tendency to meander, more a stream of consciousness than an essay. At least he talks about actual historical facts sometimes and chucks in references now and then. Arthur loves reading Gili and Freya's contributions though Freya's are less well researched than normal.

After reading one where she only includes three sources Arthur gives in and rings Merlin to moan about how students falling in love stop being such excellent students. Merlin laughs at him and tells him to go finish his marking so Merlin can come over and then he uses some words Arthur banished from his own vocabulary when he started teaching just in case he should slip up, so Arthur sums it up as 'come over and do some lovely things to your behind'.

Eventually, to his relief, his 'holiday' ends and he can go back to ignoring students' essays until the last possible moment. He cycles into college with his big rucksack full of paperwork, essays, coffee mug and various other office things that need to return with him. He thinks of them as his tribe and this as their migration.

"Arthur! Hey, Arthur!"

Gwen's waving at him from the turn into college so he pulls over with a grin and gives her a sweaty, gross hug.

"Ew! Get off me!"

"Nope. Hello."

"You smell."

"So do you, now."

Gwen wrestles out of his hold and glares, arms folded.

"Arthur. I just talked to your sister and she says she absolutely has to talk to me, today, right now. Please will you cover my art class?"

"Nope."

"Why? You have a free and I want to go."

Arthur sighs and nods. Why must Morgana do this to him?

"She's such a witch. She knows I like having this hour to drink coffee and sit in my office."

"You mean make sure everything's exactly where you left it and clean your office."

"I like things tidy, that's not a crime."

"Yeah yeah, off you toddle. I'm going to see your sister."

Gwen kisses his cheek and jogs over to her car which Arthur realises is parked (illegally) on the side of the road. He sighs and goes to lock up his bike and corral teenagers into drawing pretty pictures.

He's sitting at Gwen's dek, head resting on his palm, doodling a picture of Merlin while girls gossip and boys throw supplies around. Or the other way around, this class seems to have forgotten gender stereotypes.

"Sir?"

"Hm?"

Arthur jerks up and blinks at Mithian Nemreth.

"Sorry to wake you up, could you help me?"

"Wasn't sleeping. I was doodling."

"Right."

"How can I help you?"

"What do I need to work on for this?"

Arthur looks at the giant picture of a face. It's really big and the eyes are big and demanding. It looks like he's trying to crush you with his eyes.

"Yeah, I have no idea but that's terrifying."

"Great! Do the eyes stand out?"

"Yeah. Yes, they stand out."

"Any ideas?"

"Um, maybe but I don't like looking at it. He reminds me of my father."

Mithian laughs and wanders off leaving Arthur blinking. He's still thinking about that face when his phone vibrates. He answers it absently.

"Yeah?"

-Hello, Merlin here. Your sister hasn't shown up again. I know she sometimes doesn't but you got mad last time I didn't call you.-

"I didn't, not when I realised you'd not-"

-fine, I was just glad of an excuse to call you.-

"Oh. Right. Um, you don't really have to have one."

-Really? I can just ring you and jabber?-

"As long as I'm not teaching. Which... oh. Whoops. Sorry guys."

"That's all right Sir, Gwen lets us use phones as long as we work."

"Right. I'm teaching Gwen's class. Not so much teaching, more sitting here doodling."

Arthur blushes as he looks at Merlin's face on the paper before him.

-Any good?-

"No, nope. Not doodling anything."

-Huh? Why are you embarrassed? Are you drawing dicks or something?-

"In a room full of sixth formers! Merlin!"

He listens to Merlin laughing and can't help but smile until he hears one of the boys, the gossipy ones, going 'aww!'.

"Shut it."

-Sorry. What were you drawing?-

"You."

-Oh. Really?-

"Really. By the way, Morgana's fine. She's having a tête-a-tête with Gwen. Thus me pretending to be art-ish."

-Good. I was a little worried.-

"Morgana tends to be a bit flaky. Hey, I need to go. Lesson's almost over. Come to mine sometime this week and I'll-"

-Tonight?-

Arthur laughs at Merlin's eagerness. No bribe of food necessary. Arthur notes it for later.

"Sure. I finish here at four, takes twenty minutes to cycle home. Five?"

-Four thirty?-

"All right, I might be a bit late though."

-I'll wait.-

"Sir, can we go?"

"Hang on, no one go anywhere! Bye Merlin."

Arthur hangs up and stands, waiting for everyone to sit.

"Right. Tidy up, please. And pack away your work properly Isolde."

"It's Izzy. And it is away."

Arthur makes them tidy up until the room is as he found it before letting them go. The rest of the day flies by (especially lunch which consists of him and Gwen talking over each other about their respective crushes) and he cycles home as fast as he can.

Which mean he's all sweaty and breathless. And Merlin is sitting on his door step.

"You're early!"

"I was bored. And impatient."

"Right. Let me put my bike away."

Merlin follows him to the bike shed (which isn't really a shed, more a secure box) and shoves him against the wall bike and all to claim his mouth. Arthur whines and his knees, tired from pushing his bike faster than usual, feel all shaky.

"I've been waiting to do that."

Arthur nods, completely dazed.

"You need to lock up your bike and come inside so we can talk about those rewards I promised you for finishing marking."

Arthur nods again and watches Merlin's arse as he saunters away before rushing through locking his bike and the shed and running to open the door. Merlin pushes him through to the bedroom and onto the bed but Arthur stops him after that. He doesn't want to be shoved around, he wants to kiss Merlin.

Arthur rolls them and pins Merlin to take his mouth, enjoying the way Merlin's neck twists to get a better angle, the way his hips shift against Arthur's own. Merlin rocks up and shifts again so they're sat, Arthur across Merlin's lap.

It's a tussle for control and dominance and Arthur doesn't think he's come or laughed that hard in his life. The third time he comes he's laughing at the same time and it's such a rush of adrenaline that he cries out rather louder than he meant.

Merlin giggles and covers his own mouth as well as Arthur's. Arthur lies still. He only moves his head so he can watch Merlin, examine his pale, strong body.

Merlin bends to kiss him again, arms winding around Arthur and rolling them so they can cuddle out of the wet patch. They both jerk and Arthur's head knocks into Merlin's when a knock comes at the door.

"Shit. If that's your sister-"

"She wouldn't knock."

Arthur gets up on wobbly legs and struggles into his gown before padding to the front door. He realises just as he opens it that his hair is sticking up and... yeah. There's come behind his ear.

"Oh, sorry. Um, I heard... never mind."

Jed is beat red and backing away when Merlin appears behind Arthur in a pair of Arthur's boxers.

"Hey Jed, do you want to join us for dinner? Arthur's cooking."

"I am?"

"Yup. Just because you didn't vocalise the bribe doesn't negate it."

"I think it does, actually."

"Hush Jed, don't you want Arthur's legendary pasta?"

Arthur opens his mouth and starts to turn but remembers the come in his hair and doesn't.

"That's kind of you Merlin, to invite me, but I have a night off without Rosie and I'm gonna just watch all the horror films I can."

"Sure. Have fun."

"Yeah. Bye. Sorry."

Jed flees and Merlin bursts out laughing, leaning into Arthur's back. Arthur shuts the door and glares at him until Merlin stops.

"Oh god, Arthur! Your hair. Oh Arthur."

Merlin kisses the frown away and draws Arthur into the shower, still laughing occasionally.

Merlin comes over most evenings that week. He takes to ambushing Arthur and kissing him against walls and Jed has an unfortunate habit of interrupting. Arthur's pretty sure the man has never blushed this much. Merlin also enjoys getting Arthur to yell as he orgasms which is embarrassingly easy to do.

On Friday Arthur gets his revenge, though. He discovers that Merlin has an incredibly sensitive back and running your hands over the right spots makes him moan like a little sex worker. When Arthur tells Merlin that Merlin laughs and calls him a politically correct twallop but then Arthur catches the perfect spot and Merlin arches with a scream to come untouched.

Jed knocks resignedly on the door.

"Sorry Jed."

"Thought I'd better check. You woke Rosie. You have some pretty good lungs there, Merlin."

They end up laughing a lot as well. Merlin finds that Arthur has really ticklish ears (and sides, and feet, and elbows) and makes him almost pee himself. They agree that Merlin should sleep over Friday night because Arthur needs the weekend to mark and they won't see one another till Monday. On Saturday morning Arthur wakes to the unpleasant feeling of someone's long, clever fingers getting into his ticklish spots.

He yells and falls off the bed taking the lamp and three of the books he's in the middle of with him. One of which lands on his face.

Merlin's face appears over the side of the bed, laughter held at bay-

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Good."

-to check he's not hurt but then it hyenas out. Arthur, bewildered and a little confused from the sudden awakening just looks at the ceiling until Merlin gets a hold of himself and pulls Arthur back into the bed.

"Sorry. Didn't know you'd fling yourself out of bed like that. Is the lamp broken?"

"Dunno."

Arthur's embarrassed to find tears spring into his eyes, he hasn't a clue why they're there but they are. Merlin laughs and aws at him but pulls him in for a cuddle, supporting his head and carding fingers against his scalp.

"Sorry. Are you all right?"

"Yes! Why am I crying!"

"Shock? Long week? Suddenly having me in your life? Morgana says you don't much like change."

"I'm not GOOD with change. I like it just fine thank you very much."

Merlin chuckles and continues his scalp massage until Arthur's soothed. Then he kisses him all better. All over.

"We'll deal-" kiss to Arthur's nose "-with change-" to Arthur's chin "-the same way-" chest "-as we're dealing-" stomach "-with my issues;-" lower "-slowly." Arthur arches as Merlin engulfs him with wet heat, eyes big and still on Arthur's face.

Arthur dives back into marking. He still sees Merlin but only briefly a few nights a week. He doesn't see Gwen or Leon because he doesn't have time and this is pissing them both off. So much so that two weeks later Leon barges into Arthur's home office on a Saturday and drags Arthur from behind the desk.

"Move."

"Huh? What?"

Arthur's brain is still in Nazi occupied France (or occupated Holland if you believe Viv) so he stumbles into Leon's grumpy chest.

"Into the living room. I'm not talking to the top of your balding head."

Arthur touches his full head of hair and wonders if he really might be going bald. It makes him pause and Leon takes that as an excuse to shove him into the living room and onto the sofa. Leon sits beside him and grins.

"What are you smiling at? You just assaulted me."

"Right. Well you've just vanished from the world! You ignored me when I came and knocked so I stole Morgana's keys."

"I've been busy."

"Yeah, with your new little boy toy."

"He's older than me."

Leon just waves a hand, face ugly with an emotion Arthur's not used to seeing in Leon. Although, back when Arthur used to actually date... to take people out and actually have proper relationships...

"You're jealous!"

"You stopped seeing me."

Leon looks a bit embarrassed and a bit worried.

"And I don't like this Merlin character."

"Why not?"

Leon's eyes skitter. Arthur isn't open to accusations and he's making that clear with his body language.

"Arthur, I care about you! You always interrogate my boyfriends why can't I do the same for you?"

"Not Percy."

Leon scoffs and Arthur blushes. Fine, so maybe he got Percy's email and did it in a way Leon wouldn't know about. That didn't count, surely.

"Email counts."

"Does not!"

"Stop it. I'm not getting side tracked. Your infatuation with this boy worries me."

"He's not a boy."

"As good as, emotionally. A child playing drums and dreaming he'll be famous because Morgana is. He's a nobody and when she chucks him, as she always does, he'll turn into a leech and steal you even more."

"Shut up."

"Do you really know anything about him? His family? His history? Anything about his past? Did you know he's an ex-con?"

"They only get called that in films."

Arthur should probably be more shocked by Leon's revelation but he trusts Merlin. He'll know what's necessary when it's necessary.

"You don't believe me. He went to prison for selling drugs."

Arthur still doesn't believe it.

"He's not allowed to leave the country due to his probation. He sold class A drugs at parties and he sold his best mate an overdose that killed him. William Thatcher. Do you still trust him now?"

"Yes."

Arthur does. But he also thinks Leon wouldn't lie.

"He's using you, Arthur. You have money and you know the best lawyer in the country. Me. Do you know his mother came to me, told me she knew you and wanted me to do it, to take Merlin's case?"

"So? Surely you get thousands of petitions."

"Yes. But this is from your boyfriend's mother! I'm scared he's going to hurt you Arthur. You care so deeply about people and they don't always... it's not like it's never happened before."

Arthur blushes thinking of beautiful, curly hair and a stupid smile that captivated him just before it tried to kill him.

"Cenred doesn't count. His hair wasn't even naturally curly. He didn't eat his crusts, not really."

"Arthur. I don't want to see you hurt and Merlin isn't safe!"

"I trust him."

"Yeah. You trust everyone. You're gullible and easily led and you just fall head over heels for people and it means they can hurt you! Even your own sister-"

Arthur cuts Leon off and shakes his head.

"Sorry. She hurt you though and you know it."

"Leon I want you to get out of my flat. Now."

Leon sighs and nods. He turns and stalks out without another word. Arthur leans forward to rest his head in his waiting hands as it starts to swim. William Thatcher. Merlin sometimes calls out to a Will in his sleep. And the drugs thing fits. Arthur had assumed something...

Not like that though. He thinks about calling Gwen but accidentally dials Merlin's number. He wishes he hadn't because he's hoarse and desperate and Merlin agrees to rush over. Arthur rings him back right away.

-I'm on my way, Arthur. Hang on.-

"No. Don't come. I'm not... I'm angry and upset and I'll hurt you. I don't believe Leon but I need to clear my head before... Please. And I don't want you to get hurt!"

Arthur thinks about car crashes and bloody Merlin's and emergency phone calls and meeting Merlin's mother, the woman who cares so much about her son she's willing to sabotage his trust.

-Arthur? What did... what did Leon tell you?-

"Nothing important. Nothing true! He's a stupid bastard and, yeah. Actually, better not come over. Unless you want to help me clean up from murdering my best fucking friend."

Arthur slams down the phone and runs out of the house. Leon's car is still there and he goes for it, tugs open the passenger door and drags Leon out onto the street. Leon stumbles and Arthur steadies him so he can punch him harder.

Arthur gapes as Leon's head snaps back, blood gushing from his nose. Then his knuckles and wrist hurt like hell and he starts to sob. Not because he believes that of Merlin but because he just punched Leon so hard he's bleeding and he...

"Leon! Crap, what the hell?"

"Told you he'd be m-bad."

"Here. Hold this. I'll get him. Go into the house, yeah?"

"Sure. he'll kill be if I bleed od his rug, but I thik he's godda kill be adyway."

Suddenly big arms wrap around Arthur's chest and back, lifting him. He can't stop crying though.

"Is he okay? What happened?"

"He got some bad news. Thanks, Jed. Could you just get the other side?"

Arthur's arms are wrapped around two sets of very strong shoulders and, his feet not touching the ground, he's lifted into the house and dumped on the sofa. The arms vanish and allow him to fold into himself.

"Shit, he really got you good."

“Do't thik he's ever puched adyode before. Crazy bastard."

"Yeah. Lucky shot though. Hey Jed, can you... thanks."

"I was a medic in the marines. Nope, not broken."

"Thanks."

"Just keep doing that and if the bleeding doesn't stop in the next ten, fifteen minutes get him to a hospital."

"Thak you, Jed. Where's Rosie?"

"My sister's here. Will Arthur...?"

"We've got him. Thank you."

Arthur breathes into his knees and wonders who Will is and why Merlin did what he never did because Merlin's not that kind of guy and whoa, his head's all fuzzy and dizzy. He presses his forehead to his knees.

"Leon?"

"Yes, you little brat?"

"I'm going to be sick."

"Right."

There's running steps and then clattering in the kitchen and a bowl is shoved between his face and his knees forcing him to sit up. He keeps his eyes closed and bends over but doesn't puke.

"Did I hurt you? Are you broken?"

"Do. Just a dose bleed. I've had worse."

"Sorry. God. Merlin didn't do that though, he didn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know Merlin! He protects people he doesn't hurt them!"

"So what happened?"

"I don't know. He said something about a promise, something about drugs. I switched it off because I don't like the fucking things. Not since Tauren..."

"Who's Tauren?"

Arthur's startled into looking at Leon. How could he forget that? He has a tissue against his nose but he's smiling softly, eyes serious and gentle.

"See? I'm all right. Will you look at me now?"

"That was mean."

"Sure. Got you looking didn't I?"

"Yeah. Merlin didn't-"

"I know what you think but the evidence is irrefutable. And he confessed."

"I don't care. I know him. I know him better than I know you, better than I know Morgana. Without the history, sure, but I know him. What if you heard I did that? Would you believe it? Or if Percy here did that?"

"Percy wouldn't."

"Neither would Merlin."

"Thank you, Arthur."

Arthur and Leon and Percy all jerk to look at the doorway. Merlin's standing there, pale and helpless and looking like a child again. Percy over balances where he's crouching between Leon and Arthur and falls on his arse which makes Merlin's lips twitch.

"I did do it though."

"Fine. Leon and Percy can you please go away? I'm sorry I hit you even if you did deserve it."

Merlin's eyes twitch in Leon's direction then freeze on his face, lips twitching again.

"You did that?"

"Yes. First ever punch as well."

Leon sounds oddly proud and Merlin's lips twitch again. Leon stands and pulls Percy to his feet but doesn't leave. He stands in front of Merlin and says something quiet and menacing, probably similar to Arthur's emailed 'you hurt him and I'll make you sit through a first year orientation day' only probably less pathetic.

Percy winks as him, as if he can read his mind.

"I though orientation sounded terrifying."

Arthur nods and they leave. Merlin hovers.

"I don't care, Merlin. If you did it you had good reasons, if you didn't you have good reasons for saying it. I said I'd be patient. You don't need to be afraid I'll make you... or be angry."

Merlin sits beside him and looks at the ceiling with a sigh.

"Thank you. You're ridiculously patient."

"I have Morgana for a sister."

"She told me and Gwen what happened with Tauren. Last week. Said she wanted to tell you, that you'd be proud of her."

Arthur smiles. He is proud of her. So proud he almost gets up and rings her but then Merlin sniffs and Arthur shuffles his priorities.

"Merlin, Morgana was unable to... to communicate for years. I waited seven years for her. I can wait, I can wait. I swear. I already love you and trust you, the rest will come."

"Yeah. Thank you."

"So, I'm going to go make you supper."

Arthur stands and goes to chop things. He listens to Merlin crying in the living room but Merlin wants to be alone or he'd have done it while Arthur was there so Arthur leaves him and methodically makes Pasta, sauce and grates copious amounts of cheese into a bowl.

When everything is simmering he goes into the living room and gathers Merlin, from where he's lying on the sofa, into his arms, holding him against his chest.

"All right, that's enough. I think twenty minutes sobbing is enough. You need oxygen right about now."

He natters on, hands finding the places that soothe Merlin. He's done this thousands of times for Morgana, for Gwen when her mother died, for Leon when his sister went AWOL at fifteen. They found her later but until then Leon was a mess. Now he did it for Merlin and felt like Merlin was crawling under his skin in a way none of the others ever had.

"Good. That's better. Now dry your eyes and blow your nose on my shirt shoulder, that's what it's there for according to Morgana so you might as well make use of it. I should warn you Rosie puked on this same shoulder, same shirt just last week."

Arthur waits for Merlin's giggle then hands him a handful of tissues from the box that's present in every room for when Arthur's nose decides to take offence. Merlin cleans himself up and shuffles after Arthur, holding onto his hand like a lifeline, to the kitchen. Arthur seats him and wraps a blanket from the living room around his shoulders before going to drain the pasta.

"Now. Pasta, sauce and lots of cheese then bed and I'll read to you from Jeeves and Wooster. Or I have The Lord of the Rings. Or an Alan Garner book."

"Wodehouse."

"Good choice. Here. Eat."

Arthur gives the short commands Morgana used to need and sits beside Merlin to eat his own pasta. Lead by example and nudges is his moto. It works, for the most part. Merlin's eyes stay on Arthur's face the whole meal but he eats most of what Arthur gives him.

Arthur dumps their dishes in the sink and lifts Merlin bridal style.

"Over the threshold with you my sweet, blushing bride."

Merlin giggles and clings to Arthur neck with a wet sniff. Arthur carries him to bed and reads him to sleep while carding a hand through his hair and rubbing his back through any shaky breathing.

Arthur makes Merlin stay the weekend and coddles him. He cooks for him, carries him (giggling madly and kicking him to go faster most of the time) around the house when Merlin gets listless and languid, tucks him up in bed after he cries himself to exhaustion (which happens a few times) and basically treats him like Rosie when she's over tired and squawky.

Merlin lets him, though he tells Arthur that Arthur is being ridiculous and he's absolutely hunkydory. Arthur ignores that and keeps on cooking, which is what he was occupied with at the time of the 'hunkydory' incident. Merlin eats and sleeps and cries and doesn't talk which Arthur thinks is just fine. He's used to looking after broken people. The thought of that makes him retreat from the bedroom where Merlin's asleep to the living room to call his father.

-Yes, what is it Arthur?-

"Hey Dad. Just wondered how you were, I haven't heard from you in a while."

-I'm very busy.-

"Right, sorry. Never mind. I'll see you."

Arthur cuts himself off a bit abruptly because he doesn't know when he'll see him. He hears his Dad sigh.

-Wait. I'm sorry. You interrupted a date with Catrina. I'm well, the business is good, Catrina's wonderful. Tell me how you are.-

Arthur smiles and sits on the sofa. He loves his Dad when he's like this. All softened by his girlfriend and wiling to talk and listen. Arthur tells him about the guy he met (leaving out Merlin's many and varied issues) about school, about Val's weird essays and Gili's fantastic ones, about punching Leon (he leaves out why). His Dad hums and questions along.

-Well, it sounds like you're well too.-

Arthur grins. His Dad really has a way of summing things up in a few words.

"Yes, I'm well. Do you want to come over for dinner one evening?"

-I'm sorry, I'm just too busy at the moment. Maybe in a few months. I have to go. Next time call my secretary and make an appointment to call so I have more time.-

Arthur feels his happiness sink a little as his father hangs up. A few months. Right. He wants to tell his father that he's busy as well but it would be useless. Call his secretary. Arthur scoffs and puts his phone away to look at the ceiling. Well, at least he got to talk to his Dad a bit. He goes back to smiling and listening out for Merlin.

He makes Merlin come over every night that week and makes Morgana come for a sleep over a few times too. They both tell him over and over that they're absolutely fine and he should stop fussing but he wants to make sure they're both eating and sleeping so he ignores that. He invites Gwen over for dinner twice and she and Morgana chatter away about everything.

Arthur's surprised by the relationship there, surprised by how Morgana opens up to Gwen. He watches them, head resting on his hand. Morgana blushes a few times, lets Gwen touch her in a completely non-sexual way, gives Gwen little touches in return.

Later, when Gwen's gone and Merlin's sleeping the sleep of the dead in Arthur's bed Arthur creeps to the spare room and taps on the door before entering. Morgana's sat on her bed, guitar plugged into head phones, scribbling on a piece of paper. Wearing nothing but a bra and knickers. Arthur rolls his eyes and moves to sit on the bed, waiting for her to acknowledge him.

She ignores him for ten minutes before sliding off the headphones and even then she keeps scribbling. Arthur waits until that stops as well. Interrupt Morgana when she's writing a song and she'll shoot you. Or tread on your toes with a stiletto.

"So, what's up baby brother?"

"I'm older than you."

"By two months. Come on."

"You just seem really happy, that's all. And you really are absolutely fine."

Arthur meets her eyes and watches them soften, which he loves.

"Yeah, I am. Gwen's... well. You know her. Why aren't you in love with her?"

"I am. Just in a 'we're both totes gay as rainbows' way."

"Gwen's bi."

"Oh shut up, you know what I mean."

"Yes, and that scares me. What's wrong with Merlin?"

"No idea. He's tight lipped as a clam."

"Well, you have experience with opening clams. How's Dad by the way?"

"Too busy to see me. Told me to make an appointment with his secretary next time I want a chat. I interrupted his date with Catrina. He still let me ramble for a bit though."

"Good. He doesn't deserve you."

Arthur shrugs. His opinion on Uther differs greatly from Morgana's. He gets up and leaves her alone to finish the song, goes back to his own room and snuggles against Merlin's back to sleep.

He's exhausted by the weekend. Between working, worrying, looking after Merlin, marking essays and trying to deal with Leon he feels like sitting in the hallway and crying by the time he gets home on Friday, but Merlin's coming over so he goes and looks for inspiration for dinner instead. He almost ignores his phone when it rings, assuming it's Leon again.

He's not mad at Leon he just doesn't want to talk to him right now. He's very aware that he did the same thing to Gwen, bad mouthing Morgana, and understands why she was so livid now. He's lucky he had a migraine or she might have punched him. Leon's been calling and the conversations are long and upsetting and draining so he almost ignores the phone.

But he doesn't. If it is Leon and something's the matter Arthur would never forgive himself.

"Mm?"

-Arthur, it's Merlin. Don't cook anything tonight I'm going to bring macaroni cheese to shove in the oven. It's my turn to cook for you.-

Arthur feels relief wash over him that he can sit down but then scolds himself.

"No, that's all right."

-Arthur! I've already made it. You looked dead on your feet this morning. Let me look after you for a change?-

Arthur pauses at that, remembers how cross Leon used to get when Arthur focussed on Morgana and wouldn't let Leon help out.

“Ah, okay. Yeah. I'm gonna take a nap, you still have Morgana's keys?”

-I'm with her. I'll get them. You sleep and I'll wake you with dinner, yeah?-

“Sounds wonderful.”

-Hey, Arthur?-

“Mm?”

-Never mind. See you.-

“Bye Merlin.”

Arthur ambles to the sofa, flops onto it and just manages to pull the blanket off the back over him before he's asleep.

Merlin wakes him with a kiss and Arthur tugs him onto the sofa without opening his eyes. Merlin falls against him and then re-arranges himself so he's lying on top of Arthur. Arthur's just fine with that; it's a great position for getting his hands on Merlin's arse. It's such a lovely arse.

“Ya have a lovely bum, Mer.”

“Thanks. Sleepy still?”

“Mm. All sleep saturated and gooey.”

Arthur feels his face go all crinkly and stiff as he smiles, like his skin's all brans new. He loves the feeling of being a bit tired, half asleep and utterly infatuated. He giggles as Merlin's elbow finds a ticklish spot and jerks as it finds another, accidentally bucking Merlin off.

“Hey!”

“Ticklish!”

“You're so fucking ticklish it's ridunculous. Come on, I brought macaroni and cheese.”

“Mm. Yummy.”

Arthur doesn't move. He's too floppy and comfy.

“Come on then, get up.”

“Coming.”

Suddenly he's being dragged off the sofa. He hits the floor with a yell and bounces to his feet to chase a laughing Merlin through to the kitchen. He catches him and holds onto him, spins him and kisses him. He rests their foreheads together.

“I'm sad, Merlin.”

“Why?”

“Because this bit of our relationship got rudely interrupted. I like playing with you like this.”

“Me too. I mean, I like being silly and just laughing, I like ticking you. And I rather enjoy laughing as I come.”

Arthur giggles again. He only giggles when he's tired but maybe he should start doing it more- it seems to make Merlin kiss him silly. The pasta's cold by the time they get around to eating it.

Things settle that weekend. Merlin's still sad and Arthur still feeds him but the sadness stops being their focus. They let things lie for the moment, decide to enjoy being together and deal with the other things later. Much later. After they've had copious amounts of sex all over Arthur's house. And Jed's house, when they babysit Rosie and she's asleep. And Gwen's house when they stay over there after a gig. And Morgana's ridiculously giant flat when they crash there. Not Merlin's house, though. Arthur doesn't ask and Merlin doesn't invite him over.

It's the summer holidays for Arthur before he finds out the story behind Merlin and then it's pretty much an accident.


	5. Chapter Five

Arthur is sitting in the garden, watching Rosie while Jed's gardening, fussing over his roses. Well, Arthur's supposed to be sitting in the garden. What he's really doing is... actually he's fast asleep.

Arthur's woken by Jed shaking his shoulder. Arthur just blinks up at Jed. His nose is running and his head feels stuffed with something fluffy and his eyes itch so much they hurt.

“You are supposed to be watching my daughter.”

“She's 'sleep.”

“Yes, and so were you.”

“Uh uh, jus'... sleepig.”

Jed laughs and ruffles his hair. Arthur sneezes a ton of snot into his hand and looks around for a tissue but there are none so he just keeps his hands in front of his face.

“Merlin's here, in the kitchen. I'll take Rosie. Do you want these old heads?”

“Do.”

Jed looks surprised. Arthur smiles and waves a hand (not the one covered in snot).

“I'b od holiday!”

He makes his way inside, realising as he sneezes again into his disgusting hand that he needed to wake up about ten minutes ago. Merlin's waiting for him in the kitchen with a glass of water and a pill.

“Jed said you were out there a while.”

“Yeah. Deed to wash by hads first.”

Arthur pauses, but Merlin's known him a while and never seemed to grossed out by snot so Arthur holds up his hands. Merlin makes a face and Arthur laughs.

“Wash your face, too. You have snot on it.”

Arthur goes to the sink and sneezes again before he can wash up. When he's done Merlin hands him a towel to dry his hands then tissues to blow his nose (and sneeze into again) then the water and pill, all of which Arthur takes gratefully before turning to Merlin with a smile.

“Hi.”

“Hello snotty.”

“Hey!”

“You are snotty. Also, you look like you're about to sneeze.”

Arthur proves Merlin right by turning away and sneezing into his shoulder. Merlin passes him some more tissues and waits while Arthur muffles four more sneezes.

“You done?”

“Do. Godda jus go sdeeze for a bit.”

Merlin laughs and wraps an arm around Arthur's back, leading him to the living room and the sofa. Arthur sits and sneezes for about five minutes, much to Merlin's amusement. Merlin chatters about rehearsals, Morgana, Freya and Gaius while Arthur closes his eyes and buries his face in his tissues. He blows his nose and finally it feels like tickly and he can look up. His eyes are sore and feel swollen but he can still see Merlin and he looks perfect, sitting there grinning. Arthur leans forward to kiss him for a bit, until he has to either blow his nose or let it run down his face.

“Wow. Hello. That was nice. Are you done sneezing?”

“Yeah. Thik so.”

“Are your eyes okay? They're all red and puffy.”

“I was out there too log. Probably be sdotty ad disgustig for a bit.”

“Doesn't the pill help?”

Arthur nods and blows his nose again. The pill does help but it's not a magical cure. What would really help would be... Arthur perks up as a solution presents itself.

“Cob shower with be?

“Um, sure?”

“It helps. By eyes especially.”

Merlin's face clears of confusion and he gives a mischievous grin.

“Adrenaline might help make you feel better.”

“Yeah, lots of adredalid.”

Merlin pulls him up and kisses him to the shower, hands tugging at Arthur's clothes. They end up having sex in the shower and then on the bed and then having to shower again and... well. Eventually they lie, empty and exhausted, in messed up sheets. Arthur's running a finger over Merlin's cock, head at Merlin's feet, examining Merlin's body from this angle.

“You have a little vein right here.”

Arthur runs his finger over it and Merlin twitches with a groan.

“Stop it! That's sensitive.”

“Sorry. It's a pretty vein. I like it. Your balls look lovely from here, you know.”

“Arthur, get up here and kiss me. Stop lyricizing about my privates. It's weird. And very unsexy.”

“I don't think lyricizing is a word. And I'm not trying to be sexy, you tired me out! I just like this view.”

He struggles up and gets their heads side by side though, just as ordered. He pushes as much skin as he can against Merlin, fingers trailing over the muscles of Merlin's chest. This view is more familiar.

“I like this view, too. Your nipples are simply lovely.”

“You're being weird.”

“I was reading a book and someone was describing her lover's body like this. All kind of objective and intimate at the same time. I liked it.”

“What history book is THAT in?!”

Merlin sounds a little bit shocked and Arthur laughs, muscles tensing against Merlin's side.

“It was a novel, dummy. I don't just read history.”

“Sure. How are your eyes and nose?”

“Better. I can breathe again and my eyes don't hurt.”

“Your nose is a bit pink. It's cute.”

Arthur hits Merlin, more of a pat really, and goes back to examining his body. He runs a finger over Merlin's nipple and over his ribs and stomach to rest in his pubic hair.

“I like this.”

“Huh? My pubes?”

“No. That we can do this. I can do this and it not be about sex.”

“You mean I'm not about to be taken roughly? Aw.”

“Don't think I could take you even ever so gently right now. Not after four orgasms.”

“Was epic, it's true.”

“Yeah.”

Arthur reaches for Merlin's penis, wanting the weight of it in his hand again. It's all soft and smooth skin now, resting in Arthur's palm happily.

“This is really... painfully intimate, Arthur.”

Arthur looks up, surprised at the tension in Merlin's voice. Merlin's looking at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

“What? What's wrong?”

“This! It's so horribly intimate! And you're going to leave me soon, when you know.”

“I won't. Tell me and I'll prove it.”

“You said you'd wait till I was ready.”

“You are ready.”

Arthur lets go of Merlin's penis and sits up pulling Merlin with him.

“Do you want clothes?”

“No.”

“Okay. So let's start with the drugs, okay? We'll not talk about anything else, just tell me about the drugs.”

Merlin stiffens and buries his face in Arthur's bare shoulder.

“Did you deal?”

Merlin hesitates then nods.

“But not Coke! Or H! Just a bit of hash. And mostly for the band.”

“So how...?”

“My friend. The one who started the band. My best friend in the whole world, practically my brother. He dealt. Properly. His Mum was dead, his Dad was a drunk. He had no income, no way to support himself. Everyone knew in our town that he was a trouble maker so he couldn't get a job! It wasn't his fault!”

“Hey, hush. I wasn't judging.”

Arthur hadn't been judging but he probably would by the end. He wasn't tolerant of drug use, and dealers... well. But right now it was just Merlin's best mate- terrified and alone.

“I tried to help him out, tried to stop him. Said he could live at mine. But man, he was stubborn as a mule. I couldn't help him! I couldn't. He started using, he sold to the wrong people, he got caught. Or rather, I got caught. He set me up. He was a user, in every sense of the word. By then he was so strung out and off his head he didn't think of me or anyone.”

“So you were arrested and didn't give him up.”

“He took an overdose when he realised what he'd done to me. The cops thought I left it there for him, so he would... they thought I killed him. They couldn't prove much, just possession. I was charged with that and intent to distribute but the second was dropped. I promised Will... I promised I'd never tell. Never let him be looked at the way his Dad was. He was my best friend and I couldn't help him!”

Arthur holds onto Merlin and closes his eyes. Merlin's trembling and Arthur can feel his own hands shaking on Merlin's back at the well of emotion screaming out of Merlin. It feels like an explosion and they're caught in the middle of it. It's like the emotion Merlin puts into his drumming; undiluted and candid. Arthur holds on.

Merlin kind of just shatters apart in Arthur's arms. The trembling becomes shakes and jerks and sobs start tearing from Merlin's throat. His hands clench in Arthur's shirt and his mouth opens against Arthur's neck in a strange echo of a kiss, crying and moaning against the skin there. Merlin's forehead presses against Arthur's wind pipe.

Arthur watches it all, a bit detached. Merlin's friend dealt. Dangerous drugs. And Merlin protected him anyway, gave up a lot of himself. Arthur wraps his arms around Merlin and pulls his shaking body closer. He feels a damp trail of snot and tears on his neck and buries his face in Merlin's hair. He sees Merlin standing, lanky and scared, in a court room. Sees him in a prison cell. Sees him mourning his friend and protecting him.

All alone with no one, because his best friend is gone. His Leon. Arthur gasps and holds Merlin tighter as he thinks that. His Leon. Oh, Merlin. Poor Merlin.

“Merlin. Shh. Oh God, your Leon. I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry. It's all right. It's okay. He must have been an honourable, wonderful man. He tried to protect you, even when he was so fucked up. He sounds like a very good man, Merlin. You can tell me about him. When you're not crying like this. When it doesn't hurt this badly. Oh, my poor Merlin.”

Arthur rocks him until Merlin sleeps, stays there until Merlin's eyes stop moving under his lids, until his breathing evens, until he stops jerking and crying out in dreams.

Arthur cooks for Merlin again but Merlin isn't interested. Arthur forces him to eat and gets yelled at. Arthur takes the verbal abuse but it reminds him of the way his father used to speak to him, back then right after his mother died. It makes him shiver so he leaves Merlin lying in the garden where he slammed out to in order to get away from Arthur. Arthur goes to his office and calls his Dad.

-Yes, yes. What is it? I thought we agreed you'd make an appointment.-

“Sorry.”

-What's the matter? Forget about my secretary. What's wrong?-

“Nothing. My boyfriend just shouted at me.”

-The same way I used to shout?-

“Yeah.”

-I'm sorry. Arthur, I was scared and alone, very much afraid I was going to lose you. I was angry that she was gone. I lashed out. Those things were never true. I loved you then and I love you now. I've always been proud of you and I always will be.-

Arthur practically knows the speech off by heart by now but it still helps. His breathing evens and the threat of tears vanishes. He holds onto the phone for a minute.

-Now. Your partner is probably terrified and very hurt about something so you pull yourself together and go to him.-

“He's in the garden.”

Uther laughs and Arthur winces. His father finds his allergies hilarious. Has ever since Arthur couldn't stop sneezing at Uther's hated cousin, Tristan's, wedding. It had interrupted the ceremony just as the priest asked if anyone knew any lawful impediment to the wedding (Arthur hadn't understood why people glared at him and had asked over and over again what an awful peppermint was).

-You always have perfect timing with those sneezes of yours. I'm sure they'll come in handy. Bring this new boy around for dinner one evening. Talk to Catrina. I do love you, Arthur.-

Uther hangs up before Arthur can respond. Arthur gives the phone a resigned look and gets up, grabbing the box of tissues on his way out. He finds Merlin lying beside the lilies. Arthur assumes it's to keep him, Arthur, away as lilies seem to get to him more than most flowers. Arthur takes a deep breath and goes to sit by Merlin's head.

“Don't sneeze on me.”

“Then don't lie under the lilies.”

“Was getting away from a giant prat.”

“Well, he followed you. Do you know my Dad used to talk to me like that? Those words, that tone?”

Merlin twitches but doesn't sit up. Arthur sighs.

“I rang him. He reassured me and said you were probably afraid and alone with something that was hurting you, like he was. Except neither of you are alone. He had me then and you have me now. Morgana had me in between. I said I could be patient but I'm so tired of being pushed away and watching people I love hurt themselves. So you are going to sit up and you're going to stop sulking and talk to me. Tell me about Will. Tell me what's making you angry.”

“Or what?”

“Or nothing. That's wha... what'sgonnahappen.”

Arthur rushes the last bit and just gets it out before he's bent over with a sneeze. He pulls out the tissues and blows his nose but he knows it's no use. Once one's out a-hundred others are sure to follow.

“Oh is it?”

“We could go inside.”

Arthur sneezes twice into his tissues. And then a third, fourth and fifth time.

“Or I could stay here and watch you sneeze.”

Arthur just sneezes again. By the fifteenth sneeze he's feeling a little light headed as he can't breathe properly. Why did he say Jed could plant lilies? Oh yeah, it was a proximity thing and he'd never be close enough for long enough. Arthur curses himself for not anticipating a stubborn boyfriend who's wish seems to be to torture Arthur. Then he sneezes again and it turns into a cough.

Merlin sits up and squints at him before sighing.

“You're not going anywhere, huh?”

Arthur shakes his head and sneezes, coughing miserably.

“All right. Shall we go in?”

“Ple-”

Arthur's interrupted by a sneeze. Merlin pulls him up and leads him to the shower. Arthur sneezes as Merlin whispers fear and guilt into the skin he's washing. Arthur's skin. It feel like he's writing secrets into Arthur's back, sides, stomach, thighs. Arthur listens and tries not to sneeze. He listens to the sadness and hopelessness pour out onto his body.

Merlin doesn't always give in that easily. Sometimes it takes Arthur hours to get him to talk, sometimes days and sometimes Arthur gets yelled at and has to call his Dad before he can stop feeling like he's six years old again. He reads his mother's book and wishes she was here to advise him.

Morgana gets the interim drummer from Germany to fill in for Merlin while Merlin has his melt down. Arthur has to talk Leon out of coming over and talk Merlin into letting Arthur tell Leon why he knows Merlin isn't guilty. Arthur spends most of his time doggedly working at getting Merlin to talk and six weeks later they're both utterly exhausted.

“Merlin.”

“What?”

“I can't do this with you any more.”

“What! You're dumping me?”

“No. I just... I'm exhausted Merlin! You must be equally tired. I'm too... I can't do it. It hurts!”

“Yeah, it does, doesn't it?”

“I already knew what it feels like to lose someone. You didn't have to demonstrate by hurting me!”

“Oh, you knew? You're mother dying when you were six, that counts?”

“Yes. Yeah actually, it really does. I didn't just lose her. I lost my father then as well. I lost Morgana when she was... when Tauren did that. I am never going to see that innocent little girl who loved me so freely and gave everything of herself to whatever she loved again! She's gone. Just as Will was lost to drugs. My sister was... Tauren was a dealer but not the way Will was. Tauren didn't use he just sold. He hurt people because he thought it was fun.”

“So what?”

“So stop trying to kill me. Because you're managing. My heart hurts and I can't walk through this house without seeing my mother, Morgana, my father running before me and laughing at me. You've filled my quiet little world with ghosts. I love you, Merlin. I love you more than I could ever imagine loving someone. You fill up a space that didn't exist. I didn't even know I was lonely until I met you. But if you keep closing me out I can't... I can't!”

Merlin looks at him, detached and unemotional as he always seemed to be these days. Arthur slumps and lets the tears fall. He goes and holds onto Merlin, rocks him and just holds on.

“I love you, you stupid man. I just want you to be happy again. You were getting there, you were getting out of this I think. When I first met you. Now you're so sad and tired and I want to fix you.”

Merlin's arms at last creep around Arthur making him shudder and more tears squeeze out.

“You can't fix me. You know that.”

“Then let me do something before you drive us both into the ground.”

Merlin pauses.

“Okay. Come home with me. Come to Ealdor. My Mum's going down to visit my uncle and Freya and I were planning on tagging along. Come with us. We'll go sit by Will's grave.”

“Won't people... they think you...”

“No.”

Merlin sighs and buries his face in Arthur's shoulder.

“They all know. Will's Dad has a big mouth.”

“So they don't think... how come you're still on probation?”

“I promised Will his name would be good. My doing this, giving myself. It makes people believe he's worth it. Me being who I am, it makes them think of him as a kid. The scruff ball they all spoilt and cooed over before he got into too much mischief and got them all cross.”

“Okay. That's okay. I don't mind.”

Arthur secretly thinks people would believe Merlin even without his big gestures and sacrifices but it does give it weight. So he lets it lie. He packs a bag for both of them, talks to Hunith and Freya and, on a bright English morning he drives the Emrys' to Ealdor.

Merlin shows him the places he and Will used to love. The school yard they played in. The shop they nicked penny sweets from. The fields they used to lie and get high on hash in. The places they snuck away to get drunk. The places they walked.

They sit at Will's grave and smoke a joint, drink a beer and Merlin tells Arthur the stories of their youth. The time they scared one of the old people in the village at Halloween. The time they played 'the goldfish game' (cycling round and round the swings in the park saying 'oh, look at this? Isn't this new and exciting' and so on). The way they used to insist on being counted as a single person in sports selection. The sleepovers they had. The little notebook where they kept a record of the dirty things they learnt (Merlin pins a doodle of a blow job on the grave 'for old time's sake').

They eat a lot and Arthur listens to stories about little Merlin from Hunith, Merlin's uncle and, the best ones, Freya. Freya seems to know everything about Merlin and has no qualms in sharing the embarrassing bits with Arthur. Such as the time Merlin managed to hit himself in the face with a baseball bat while trying to hit someone else. Or how they had to close the curtains to get Merlin to eat because he used to get distracted by his reflection.

On evening Hunith comes to him when both her children are in bed. Arthur's reading a new book about Hitler and the war, half novel half history book, and absent mindedly texting Leon and Gwen. She sits and watches him until he asks her what's wrong.

“I didn't know. That Leon Knight was the best friend of Merlin's new boyfriend. I wouldn't have done that if I had, it's too much like... I might have actually. I just want my boy to be proved innocent.”

“Okay. Leon was worried when he worked out who Merlin was, from your visit. Thank you for telling me.”

“Did I cause trouble?”

“I punched him. Leon. He said Merlin was an ex con and killed his best friend. He didn't.”

“No, he didn't.”

“I know you want to protect him but I don't think he'll thank you if you prove he's innocent. The people who know matter and he's doing it for Will, to try and make things right. He needs to do it.”

“I just want to make him better.”

“I think he'll do it himself one day, tell the world the real story. He won't get in too much trouble for lying seeing as the real culprit is long dead. I'll check with Leon. Let Merlin do it, though. Please?”

Hunith agrees and Arthur goes back to reading, wondering if he's done the right thing. He texts Leon to tell him Hunith hadn't known and Merlin definitely wasn't using him, but by this time Leon knows Merlin better and has seen them together and rings up just to laugh at the idea.

By the end of the two weeks Merlin has settled again and when they get home Merlin goes to his flat and they have a few days apart. Arthur rings Leon and cries until Leon comes over and then cries and cries until Leon has to give him a sleeping pill that Percy had at home for some reason and Leon thought it would be prudent to bring along. Arthur sobs out his fear of loosing Merlin, the grief for the friend he never got to meet, the grief at the thought of loosing Leon and for the ghosts that had come to haunt the flat.

The next morning Gwen's there making him pancakes and she and Leon baby him all day and exercise the ghosts with new, good memories that fill the flat with laughter. He falls asleep with his head in Leon's lap and his feet in Gwen's and they make him pancakes again the next day and drag him out in the evening with Morgana, Percy and Merlin.

Arthur hasn't been to a club in almost eight years, not since his first year at uni. He queues in t-shirt and jeans, Merlin on one side Leon on the other both jabbering away in excitement, and waits for Morgana. She arrives with Gwen on her arm and sweeps them up on her way to the front.

The bouncer lets them through though he frowns at Arthur. Arthur glares at him and shivers from cold. Merlin and Leon find it hilarious and call him 'old man' all night. Morgana later informs him the pause was because the guy had worked security for Morgana once and recognised Arthur as 'that nice, quiet boy who sticks, very sensibly, to books', so Arthur forgives everything.

Arthur tries to relax but the thudding music and writhing mass of bodies gets to him pretty quickly and he retreats to the bar and leaves the others to dance. He drinks a pint very slowly and thinks about history, starting with the reformation and creating a time line in his head to the present. Merlin slides onto the stool next to him a bit later.

“You know this is pretty close to our first meeting!”

“Yeah, in that I am completely out of my element, pissed off and fed up with all these stupid people.”

“Exactly! I called you a boring old fuck, effectively! I thought you were!”

Arthur laughs and nudges Merlin gently.

“Thank you Arthur. You are far from boring.”

“I am very boring and very proud of it.”

“Why do you hate these places?”

“He's disgustingly shy really. He's gotten pretty good at hiding it. In school he'd wet himself because he was too shy to put up his hand and ask for the loo.”

“Really?”

Arthur nods and takes a big gulp of his drink. Morgana laughs and pats his shoulder.

“Leon's telling the truth. Our little Arthur was our best client.”

“Client?”

“They were the most popular kids at school and started a protection racket.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Enterprising little buggers. Morgana made me tidy her room and Leon charged me various chores and charges a toy for every time he asked if I could go to the bathroom.”

Merlin laughs and kisses Arthur's red ears.

“I think that's adorable.”

Arthur smiles.

“I bet you were the coolest guy in school. All lanky body and beautiful hips, mischievous smile. You probably wore skinny jeans and loitered, far too cool to play.”

“I was popular but not cool. People put up with me because I was funny and came up with the best plans. And then I was pretty cool because I played drums. It gave me status. The skinny jeans is right, and shades. Didn't Frey show you photos?”

“No.”

“She keeps an album to embarrass me about my bad taste. I'm sure you'll get to see it.”

“Merlin.”

“Mm?”

“Can I toast your mate?”

“Who... oh. Okay.”

Arthur turns. Percy and Gwen are standing there too now and Arthur clears his throat and meets their eyes one by one.

“We all know the effect drugs and the life style surrounding it can have. We know what addiction can do to people. It's the good people underneath that, that's what it's important to remember. Merlin knew a kind, generous and very courageous boy like that. Will was willing to help out, willing to speak up, willing to be what people needed. He died because of someone's reckless desire for money. I never knew him but I know him now through Merlin's words and the words of the people of Ealdor. So I'd like to toast the brother Merlin lost and say thank you to him for looking out for Merlin. And I hope I have his approval in dating Merlin. To William Thatcher.”

Merlin sniffs into Arthur's shoulder as they clink glasses solemnly and Arthur grins suddenly. He remembers something someone at the village shop said. 'Will was always laughing. He said that laughing was what made people light up.'

“Will is also the boy who got Merlin to sit still for three hours. He bet Merlin he couldn't balance a full glass of beer on his hands and then left Merlin sat there unable to move his hands without sending the beer flying into his lap. He also somehow rigged it so that when Merlin finally gave up and resigned himself to tipping the glass it fell right in his lap as he'd wet himself.”

Merlin bumps Arthur's shoulder but everyone's already laughing.

“Thank you Arthur. Will liked it when people laughed.”

“Yeah.”

Three weeks later Arthur's lounging in his garden, Rosie lying on his chest and playing idly with his buttons, Jed tending the roses and pruning heads for Arthur when Merlin bursts out.

“Jed, take Rosie. Arthur come on!”

Arthur looks up in surprise and Jed comes over to take the little girl who grabs onto Arthur's button as she's lifted and wails when it's taken away.

“Sorry Jed, come on come on!”

Arthur follows Merlin, blinking the sun out of his eyes. Merlin leads him to the bedroom and throws (shoves) him onto the bed and lands on top of him.

“Huh?”

“I'm horny. And we got the gig!”

“Great. So you dragged me away from a lovely afternoon so you could get off?”

“Uh huh. Gwen came and watched the rehearsal and she showed me these photos.”

Arthur tenses. He knows which photos. Gwen said she'd show Merlin if Arthur didn't give in and let her and Morgana have the garden for a party. Merlin plops a bundle on his chest and spreads the photos out.

“I like this one. The flash of crotch inspired.”

“I was drunk as a skunk and Gwen was mean old poohead.”

Arthur tries to snatch the pictures of him in fishnets and very little else, just a tiny tutu and speedo, from his chest but Merlin slaps his hand away.

“No. I like them. Mine. You look really hot. This one's nice. Look at these long legs and broad chest. Mm. And here's one of you showing off your lovely arse. Or behind as I'm sure you say.”

“Only to students.”

“Ohh, teacher kink. And fish nets. Teacher in fish nets. Mm.”

Arthur feels Merlin's cock nudge his thigh and laughs at the absurdity of what gets Merlin hot but then an image of MERLIN in fishnets flashes through his mind and he sucks in a breath, cock rising. Merlin smiles toothily at him and nips his neck before moving to undo the buttons of Arthur's ill thought out shirt. Why had he worn something that took so long to get out of?

Later they lie, Arthur tracing the lines of Merlin's ribs, his flaccid cock, his balls. The muscle of Merlin's thighs and arms, the vulnerable expanse of neck. He watches the way Merlin's chest rises and falls, rests his head there to listen to Merlin's heart. Merlin chuckles.

“This is perfect. I love this intimacy.”

“You trust me.”

“Yes. And you trust me and it's summer and we got the biggest gig and I found some beautiful photos. May I keep them?”

“Sure. If you let me take some of you.”

“Ooh, good idea. Lets go to the drag night at Queens.”

“Uninspired name. Aren't all nights drag nights?”

“Shut it. They have a specific night.”

“Okay. Lets make sure none of my students see me though.”

Arthur holds Merlin's cock and rubs his thumb over the pretty vein. Merlin slaps at his hands, still too sensitive, so Arthur kisses him instead. Kisses him until Merlin's laughing and then makes him come hard and fast still laughing. Merlin retaliates, of course. But Arthur would expect nothing less.


	6. Chapter Six

Arthur's tired. He's been tired since nine pm and now it's two am. He's waiting for Merlin who's supposed to call him after 'the biggest gig in the world!' but hasn't yet. Maybe they're still playing. Arthur shivers and huddles further into his blanket. Maybe he'll just ring Merlin and ask. Morgana would tease him incessantly though.

Arthur picks up his phone and dials Morgana's number, waiting.

-Yeah, Arthur. What is it?-

She sounds bad tempered. Maybe it went badly.

“Um, how'd it go?”

-Arthur! It's two am! We didn't get in until an hour ago and now you wake me up to ask how it went? Call me tomorrow!-

She hangs up. Arthur stares at the phone. An hour ago? Maybe Merlin forgot. Or found someone more interesting to go home to. Arthur sighs. Ever since Merlin started feeling better about Will Arthur's been feeling a bit surplus to requirements, unless sex is involved. Maybe Merlin's bored of the sex. Arthur's not very adventurous. Maybe he should buy a whip. Or one of those edible things. Or bondage.

Bondage stuff always reminds him of those medieval torture machines he studied in one of the modules at uni. It puts him off when he thinks of those people screaming. Then again, he's never tried it. Maybe it would be nice and exciting and blow his mind. He gets up to look at the computer and buy something but his phone rings.

He's quite glad he's interrupted. He's pretty sure he doesn't want one of those things turning up on his doorstep because of a stupid early morning whim. Why can't he seem to control himself where Merlin is concerned?

“Hello?”

-Hi prat. Your sister texted me saying I have to call you before she murders your insecure arse. I rather like your arse, so here I am calling.-

“You don't want to do nasty things to my arse?”

-Um, nasty things? Probably do. What nasty things?-

“Hit it. Whip it. Um. Stick things up it that hurt.”

-Arthur? Did you have a bad dream?-

Merlin sounds perplexed which just makes Arthur feel miserable. He shakes his head then remembers Merlin can't see him.

“No. I thought maybe I was getting boring to you.”

-Why?-

“Because. I'm a history teacher, you're a rock star. You like sex and music and fun stuff, I like sitting at home and reading Burk's reflections on the French Revolution. You like doing things and going places and I like doing nothing and staying home. I'm boring.”

-Mm. Yeah. Deadly dull. Arthur, you're the one always talking me into sex and doing things! I like just sitting around with you and doing nothing but you're always restless and twitchy.-

Arthur wonders if that's true. He does get a bit twitchy over the summer especially when Leon and Gwen are both busy with partners and don't want to come play football, Arthur, we're in bed and it's Sunday what's wrong with you?

“I guess. I'm being an idiot, aren't I?”

-It's two am. You're entitled. Why'd you stay up? I thought you'd be asleep for sure.-

“That's why you didn't ring?”

-Yup.-

“Okay.”

Arthur slumps into the sofa and listens to Merlin lecture him about his idiotic behaviour and falls asleep. He wakes to the impression of a phone in his cheek and lots of teasing from Gwen and Morgana about his paranoia.

It's a few weeks into the summer and Merlin's been spending most of his free time in Arthur's garden. Which Arthur is happy about, even though he's been sneezing a ridiculous amount. Summer allergies aren't as bad as Spring allergies but Jed will insist on horrible amounts of flowers and allergy pills are only so good and only work if you remember to take them.

Today they're sitting in the kitchen watching the rain beat down and Arthur is very satisfied. The rain washes the pollen from the air and clears his sinuses. It makes Jed annoyed and Merlin mope but Arthur loves it. He gets up and puts Amy Whinehouse on the CD player in the corner, coming back to tug Merlin up.

“Let's dance in the rain.”

“I don't like being wet.”

“It's dry here.”

Arthur goes and opens the French windows and holds out a hand for Merlin. Merlin smiles and steps into Arthur's space, embracing him affectionately.

“You're so silly. I love you.”

Arthur blinks. Has Merlin said it before? He can't remember. This feels different, big. Even if Merlin has said it before, this feels like the first time he means it. Arthur beams and nips Merlin's ear. Merlin laughs and spins them.

Neither of them are very good dancers but they sway and spin, knock into one another and kiss to the music, rain pelting down beside them. The song switches and they keep dancing, moving in synch now (though they're still not very graceful). Arthur laughs and leans down to taste Merlin's lips just as Merlin grins brightly and shoves him into the rain.

“Ah! You little beast!”

Arthur catches Merlin's arm and tugs so Merlin flies against his chest with a thud. Arthur staggers further into the rain, laughing and fighting off Merlin's flailing limbs until he has Merlin neatly tucked against his chest and they're face to face, really close. He can taste Merlin's breath, smell the funny herb tea Merlin's been drinking.

“Hi.”

“I'm wet. Not happy.”

“I'm happy.”

Merlin looks surprised as Arthur says it completely seriously, then smiles softly and touches a knuckle to Arthur's cheek. These little, intimate gestures are rare for Merlin and Arthur shuts his eyes to savour it, surprised when Merlin kisses him. It's not a passionate kiss. It tastes of affection and sweetness rather than heat. Arthur sighs into it and Merlin's arms come around his waist to sway them to the music.

“I'm glad you're happy because you've made me happy. I feel different about Will now, about my music, about everything. Before it was desperate and enthusiastic and frantic and fast. I just wanted to do everything, then, all at once. But I met you. Slow, steady, shy Arthur. You were such a prat! With your wandering off and leaving me, talking about drugs all the time, walking about like you owned everything. But then I met you again and you were sweet and nervous and a bit stupid. Seriously, two risottos because you were so worked up? It was nice. To have someone cook for me and to have someone interested in me, not Morgana.”

Arthur blushes into Merlin's shoulder and sways them again.

“I didn't dare do anything but I kept accidentally flirting. And then there was Leon and that little girl.”

“I found out how Morgana knows her by the way. Her mother worked on one of Morgana's videos.”

“Ah. That was a mystery. I was livid and even when you'd explained I was sure you were a prat. Then you got that headache and cried and then you didn't push me and let me kiss you and have sex with you even when I was keeping secrets. I was so afraid that it would end I just had to get as much in as I could. And then you rang and I thought 'this is it, it's over'. But I heard you talking to Leon and you didn't seem to care.”

Arthur wonders where this confession type thing is coming from, but Merlin's in full flow so there's no stopping him to ask. Arthur also wonders if he should point out that Merlin has things the wrong way round. Leon and Percy being dicks happened before the kissing and sexing, surely? Or maybe not. It didn't really matter.

“You were magnificent that day, like a proper king or something. Taking charge and making things right. That was the first time I stepped back and thought maybe it was more, maybe we were more. Maybe I could be more. Then you let me look after you as well and I knew there was more. It took me ages to get up the courage to tell you. And now I feel lighter and slower and better. I feel happy.”

“I fixed you.”

Arthur's sarcastic and Merlin laughs and kisses him.

“No. I still miss Will and I'm still angry and afraid about it, but you make me happy.”

“You make me dance in the rain like no one is watching.”

Merlin kisses him again but Arthur shakes his head.

“I'm cold and wet. Can we go shower?”

Merlin laughs and shivers at the same time before pulling them into the house. They leave a trail of water through the hall to the bathroom and Merlin strips Arthur, kissing him all the time. Arthur's a bit embarrassed, but his cock seems to be uninvolved. It lies, floppy and soft, on his thigh as he climbs into the shower. He turns to try and hide it but Merlin laughs and tugs him round, hand gentle on the useless thing. Arthur blushes.

“Hey. You don't have to hide from me. I don't care, Arthur. Idiot.”

“You call me that a lot.”

“It's affectionate. Now, do you want to do something about this or are you just not interested?”

Merlin makes it a serious question and Arthur suddenly realises he doesn't have to be interested all the time, Merlin's interested in more than sex. He smiles shyly and shrugs, not quite able to actually say it.

“All right. Do you mind doing something about mine, though? I'm kind of horny.”

Arthur laughs and reaches for Merlin's erection, looking for that little vein that he loves to run his thumb over. Merlin runs his hands over Arthur's body as Arthur pulls him off, playing with Arthur's sensitive spots, nipples, still not interested cock. Arthur smiles when Merlin comes with a moan and pulls them together, hugging Merlin and sighing into the hot water.

“That was nice. Thanks. Really not interested?”

Arthur shakes his head. Merlin laughs and rubs a hand over Arthur's spine before reaching for shower gel and starting to clean Arthur's back. Arthur loves the feeling of Merlin's hands on him in a non-sexual situation and relaxes with another deep sigh of contentment.

The next few weeks Merlin's away on tour of Britain and Arthur misses him like crazy. Gwen's gone with them so he spends most of his time moping about Leon's house ignoring the fact that Leon and Percy really want to have sex. Eventually Leon sits him on the sofa, switches on the TV, feeds him and retreats to the bedroom. Arthur stares moodily at the people on Geordie shore but can't quite be bothered to get the remote.

Percy's oddly sympathetic to his plight. While Leon just rolls his eyes and bustles about feeding him, clothing him and making him actually sleep Percy listens with big eyes and a sad face as Arthur talks about Merlin. Leon sometimes whacks Percy gently round the head and tells him Arthur's being melodramatic but he doesn't stop Percy and Arthur catches him smiling soppily at them more than once.

The day before Merlin comes home they're sat, just him and Leon, ignoring Friends and bickering idly about whether it was Arthur's idea or Leon's idea to climb out of the window the time Arthur fell and broke his arm. They've both forgotten who actually thought of it, it's an old argument as familiar and comforting as each other.

“I didn't say that. I thought you were going to take the blue pill and go back to your bed to bounce. By the way, are you happy Leon?”

“Random, much? Yeah, I get your reasoning. We were happy then, are we happy now type thing. Yeah, I'm happy enough. Perce and I fight more when you're not around, by the way. He's a bit scared of you. He thinks that you're secretly violent.”

“Because I punched you, maybe.”

“Probably. That was an awesome punch.”

“I wish I hadn't. I've never punched anyone. Or even hit them.”

“I know. It was for a good reason, though.”

“There isn't ever a good reason for hurting people.”

“No. I guess not. Are you happy?”

“Deliriously.”

Leon laughs and flicks Arthur's ear.

“Come on, I told you about my happiness.”

“Fine. Yes, most of the time. I still collect and press roses. I still worry about Morgana. Merlin is... good, but he's a bit...”

“Broken? He's all over the place, mate. He's grieving. You know what that's like.”

Arthur suddenly realises something and it makes him pause, then feel like an utter git.

“What? You had a bad person thought! Ha!”

“Shut up.”

“Come on, share.”

“Fine. I'm tired of having to be the one taking care of people.”

Leon looks surprised then smiles at him.

“Good. At last. It's always worried me, your inclination towards that. You make yourself ill with trying to fix people.”

“Not that. I want Merlin to worry that what he'll say will upset ME, to be careful of how he acts around ME. It's always the other way round. Maybe he doesn't like me as much as I like him.”

“Arthur. He's been hurt before. By his best friend. He was betrayed. It sounds like he has trust issues. And a temper to match your father's.”

Arthur shudders as he remembers those times Merlin reminded him of Uther.

“He's in love with you, though. I think so at least.”

Arthur glares.

“I'm not going to lie to you! You make such a fuss when I do. So not worth it. You always try to tread on egg shells around people. Don't. Step on them and let people worry about themselves. Tell Merlin what you feel. He might be annoyed or upset but he'll understand you better and it might help with the great big lump inside of you.”

Arthur sighs. Great big lump. That's accurate. Fear, love, worry.

“Have you called him yet tonight?”

“No.”

“Don't. Wait until you see him face to face and sit down and really talk to him. You're great at listening but you so rarely talk, Arthur. You need to. Especially with him.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now, stop being all fragile and lets spot the accidental innuendos in Friends.”

Arthur nods and closes his eyes. He ends up falling asleep on Leon's shoulder and drooling on the poor man.

Arthur meets Merlin, Morgana and Gwen at the airport. They've flown in from Scotland and Arthur's inexplicably nervous. Inexplicably because he's always giving Morgana and Gwen lifts places and this is no different. He checks the flight information over and over again, flowers clutched in his fist. Roses. One each for Morgana and Gwen. Three for Merlin. Arthur wonders if that's right. Maybe he should give two to Morgana and Merlin each. But then what about Gwen?

He's frowning in perplexity at his flowers, wondering what to do and panicking a little when a scream goes up from the crowd. Arthur looks up but doesn't notice the people flocking until he's been shoved forwards and pushed, tripped and squished until he falls, roses scattering.

Suddenly there's shouting and an angry sounding Morgana clearing people away and crouching, hand on his head. Arthur turns his side and blinks around.

“What happened?”

“Someone tipped these ARSEHOLES off to my arrival. Our arrival rather, Merlin is a little popular himself now.”

Morgana shouts the word 'arseholes' into the crowd, then smiles and tugs him up. Merlin's standing there holding out the roses to Arthur and grinning. Gwen's there too with a look of concern. Arthur looks back at the roses but they're so squashed and the petals, the beautiful petals, are crushed and darkened with their own blood. Arthur takes them miserably. Not much of a welcome now, are they?

“Did you miss us, brother dearest?”

Arthur shakes his head. Then he nods. Then he shrugs and sighs.

“Arthur, it's all right. I think these look lovely how they are. Tell you what we'll do. Did you bring my car? Of course you did. We'll drive over to mine and hang these up in the window to dry. They'll look good again, then.”

“They're crumpled.”

“They're still beautiful. They're lovely colours.”

Arthur looks up at Gwen. He hasn't really been sleeping and that's probably why he's being ridiculous about roses. She's smiling at him, a little amused a little sad and a lot understanding. He nods and hands them to her.

“I got one each, but three for... I was...”

“For Merlin?”

Arthur looks to see if this is okay with her and seeing it is, he nods.

“Merlin! Arthur brought you three roses and we only got one! Humph. I'm still his favourite.”

“Actually, I think you'll find, Morgana, I am his favourite.”

Morgana links arms with Gwen and they wander off bickering. Arthur scuffs his feet a little. The body guards have set up a barrier and are keeping the screaming crowd away for the moment.

“Shouldn't we follow them?”

“Morgana will want to sign stuff and show Gwen off. D'you wanna sign stuff?”

“Nope. I want to kiss you in front of all these people and cause a stir.”

Arthur smiles.

“Okay?”

“Yup.”

“I'm away a few weeks and you go all... what is this?”

Arthur shrugs. He doesn't know what this is. Sadness? Uncertainty? Fear? He'd been so focused on Merlin before that he'd forgotten his own issues and that summer tends to get him down. He's got nothing to do, no schedule, no nothing. He's all adrift as Leon always said of 'summer Arthur'.

“All right. I'm just gonna kiss you then.”

Merlin pulls Arthur's chin up and Arthur feels a kind of energy rushing through him making him forget being lonely and afraid and worried and at a loose end. He stumbles forward and grabs Merlin, pushes their mouths closer and grips Merlin's shoulder, runs a hand over Merlin's body to check it's the same body he remembers.

It is; muscles across the shoulders and back, lovely bony bum, ribs padded by lean muscles. The little knob of spine sticking out here, the soft hair. Clean. Smelling of sweat and aeroplanes. Arthur makes a face and focuses on the kiss instead. Merlin's good at kissing, good at melting Arthur into a gooey puddle. There's heat and wet and a cold tongue that heats in Arthur's own mouth against Arthur's own teeth.

Arthur moans when Merlin pulls back but realises that people are cheering and clapping and there's a camera going off. He buries his hot face in Merlin's shoulder. Merlin's beaming around but Arthur's always hated this bit of Morgana's life. Always on show, like an animal in the zoo. Arthur tugs Merlin and notices Owen looking a bit desperate as he wrestles people back. Arthur raises a hand and Owen gives him a grateful smile.

“Morgs! We're going! We have the keys and we'll be leaving you right here if you don't come!”

Arthur grins at Merlin as Morgana storms over. Calling her Morgs is a certain way to get her attention. Arthur leans close to Merlin.

“Run.”

“What?”

Arthur doesn't bother answering because he's already legging it, pulling Merlin along. Merlin yells a few choice insults and Arthur laughs and keeps running until they make it to the car. Merlin glares but can't hold it and bursts out laughing leaning against the car.

“Come on, get in. Pell and Owen will stick to Morgana so we're out in the open, unprotected.”

Merlin gets into the front seat and Arthur locks the car when they're both seated.

“Did you really bring me flowers?”

“Yeah. I spent ages trying to work out what was appropriate but then roses are pretty much all I'm not allergic to so that narrowed it down. Then I had to work out colour and I chose purple because it really brings out your eyes and cheek bones. The white ones are because this is your first real tour so you've lost your... um... virginity. The pink was for the flush of success. Mum made these up but I like them better than the official ones.”

“That's amazing. Thank you.”

Merlin leans across and they kiss again. Before Arthur can really sink into Merlin's familiarity there's a thud against the roof and Arthur jerks away and looks around. Morgana is glaring, Gwen laughing at her side and Pell and Owen impassive behind them. Arthur unlocks the back door and opens it.

“Get in. Owen, you ride with us yeah?”

Owen nods and slide in after Gwen, re-locking the door. Arthur waits for Owen's go ahead before pulling out.

“We're going to Gwen's place. I assume you're very familiar, Owen?”

Arthur grins at the glare and little blush Morgana gives him. Owen remains unresponsive.

“Arty dear, what have I told you about innuendoing my body guards? Also, must you call me 'Morgs', yelled across a crowd of fans?”

“They're Merlin's fans now. He wooed them by kissing me.”

“It's almost cheating, really. I used you to get my mistress.”

Arthur laughs and feels everything lightening. Merlin's still the same, still silly and playful and affectionate. Sure Arthur isn't certain what he feels for Arthur but that's okay. That's just fine for the moment.

Gwen lets them into the house and Arthur looks at the flowers. They definitely can't be saved. He sighs and sits on the sofa. Gwen laughs and takes the roses from him again.

"Give those here, idiot. When was the last time you slept, lovely?"

Arthur feels like he has whip lash- idiot to lovely in two seconds flat.

"I don't know. Leon made me sleep sometimes."

"Right. 'M's!"

Merlin and Morgana reply at once and Arthur blinks.

"You both begin with 'M'!"

"Yes, Arthur. Well done."

"What is it, Gwen?"

"Just go make tea or something. I want to talk to Arthur for a sec."

They 'M's (Arthur's calling them that forever now) troop out, Merlin with a last sad look at Arthur and a wink, a grin and then trips. Arthur laughs and raises an eyebrow at Gwen.

"What's up?"

Gwen fwumps beside him with a sighs.

"I'm tired. Who knew being a groupie could be so tiring? Come be a groupie next time."

"Had a thing."

"Mm. How'd it go?"

"Fine. Boring."

"So, are you okay? You're all... absent. Summer Arthur. I don't know, you seem sad."

"I am sad."

"Why?"

"Don't know. Tired. Summer. Will brought up a whole load of memories I thought I dealt with."

"Tell me."

Gwen curls up against Arthur and links their arms. Arthur sighs into the familiarity.

"When Merlin was so angry with me it was the same anger as my Dad's, right after Mum died. It was scary then. I was six and lonely and confused. Dad was... it was frightening. I kept having to call him for reassurance when Merlin shouted."

"Shit. Does Merlin know that?"

"No. He shouldn't have to deal with my crap as well as his."

"Well no, but you shouldn't have to either. Arthur, you want to know his crap right?"

"Yeah."

"And he wants to know yours. Talk to him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. What else is wrong?"

"Dunno."

"Are you okay?"

"Not really."

Gwen chuckles and cuddles him a bit. Merlin clears his throat and Arthur looks around with a smile.

"Hey."

"We made tea. Do you want some?"

"Please. Please, please!"

Merlin laughs and Morgana comes through with a tray. Merlin sits the other side of Arthur and turns Arthur's head gently to kiss him.

"Hi."

"Yeah."

"Tired?"

"You have no idea."

"Morgana said you don't sleep well when she's away, you worry apparently."

"It's true. I was worried. Not about her though, she had Gwen."

"About me?"

Arthur nods and rests his forehead against Merlin's.

"I'm too tired for life."

"Shall we go sleep for a week?"

"Yes please. Gwen, we're taking your bed. You can sleep at Gana's."

"Now that's a nickname I don't mind. I'd like to go home, actually."

"Sure, Your bed's way better for... um... sleeping... anyway!"

Arthur grimaces as Gwen giggles and Morgana... ew. Sexy face. Merlin laughs and pulls Arthur up.

"Come on. At least you haven't had to listen to them sexing for weeks."

"Oh god."

Merlin guides Arthur to Gwen's room and they undress each other clumsily. Arthur falls face first onto the bed and moans. Gwen and Morgana laugh from the living room and he smiles, feeling safe and relaxed at last.

"Do you want a back rub?"

"Not really."

The bed settles beside Arthur and Merlin's chin rests on Arthur's naked shoulder. Arthur tries to roll over but he's too pathetic and moans instead.

"Aw, you really are exhausted. Did you sleep at all?"

"Not really. Bit. Leon did some stuff."

"Huh?"

"Meditation. Deep breathing. Stupid stuff."

"Did it help?"

"Yeah."

Merlin rolls Arthur and kisses his nose. Arthur hums and falls into a light doze, vaguely aware of Merlin's hands running over his body. His mind unravels in a nice way instead of a crazy way and he breathes out in relief as he finally, finally lets everything go and sleeps.

He wakes up to Merlin's hand on his arse and Merlin's mouth on his nipple. He blinks slowly and sighs contentedly. Merlin's mouth runs down, nipping and mouthing over his stomach, making him giggle as his ticklish spots are hit. Merlin giggles and runs a hand over Arthur's side making his laugh loudly.

“Why does sex always end up with laughter for us?”

Arthur giggles (still tired) as Merlin brushes a hand over his side again.

“You're so sweet when your all giggling and happy like this. I love you. Better than when you're tired and miserable.”

“Mmm. Morning.”

“Good morning. Do you mind morning breath?”

“Not yours. Come kiss me.”

Merlin obeys, sprawling over Arthur's stomach and chest, lips on Arthur's. Arthur hums and shifts.

“Aw, you horny?”

“Mm. For you.”

Merlin laughs delightedly and presses his hips against Arthur's. It's been a few weeks and they're both a bit worked up already from the kissing and Arthur just moans, head back, back arching.

“Little sex worker.”

Arthur laughs and moans again as Merlin wriggles against him. Arthur grabs Merlin's hips to try and still him and Merlin pauses to kiss him.

“Got to get out of my boxers somehow and that way seemed goo-oh!”

Arthur bucked up and slid off both their boxers in one go, a smooth move he's practised to perfect. Merlin ruins it by laughing and giving Arthur an eskimo kiss.

“My nose isn't sensitive.”

“I beg to differ! Lilies?”

“Idiot.”

Merlin grins at him and Arthur goes cross eyed as Merlin moves in for another kiss.

“I missed you, Arthur. I had to listen to Gwen and Morgana squealing and bitching, I had to go shopping! You have to come be my groupie next time.”

“Okay.”

Arthur's not really paying attention. He's hard and uncomfortable and wants Merlin to do something about it so he rocks up against Merlin's erection and Merlin moans.

“Okay, okay. I'll do something. You feel like topping?”

Arthur shakes his head and turns to offer Merlin his arse. And to press against the mattress, the soft sheets good against his tingling skin. Merlin breaths in sharply and a moment later Arthur feels hands running over his bum.

“I love this bottom, you know. I was appreciating it last night, looking at it from all angles. I like this one. I'm between your legs, looking up. Lovely view.”

Arthur remembers his own examination of Merlin's body and smiles into the pillow. Maybe Merlin does really love him. Merlin moves up to lie over Arthur's back, kissing his neck.

“I love your neck, too. And your nipples.”

Merlin's hand snakes round to Arthur's chest to rub said nipple and Arthur yells in surprise. Merlin chuckles.

“I love that as well, noisy boy.”

Arthur bucks but Merlin presses him still.

“Stay. I'm having fun.”

Merlin's hands trail down Arthur's back, body coming up to straddle Arthur's hips.

“I love this dip here, so cute. And you have a scar across here. Where's it from?”

Arthur frowns. He can't remember any obvious scars. The only one on his back is...

“You can see that?”

“Just about.”

“Oh. I thought it was gone. Leon and me were playing matrix and the blue pill was the bed, the red was the window. Leon bet me I couldn't jump out of the window. Turned out I could jump out of the window but I couldn't land safely. Broke my arm and fell onto some glass. Dad was terrified when he saw my back, there was lots of blood and he thought I might be paralysed or something.”

“Weren't you scared?”

“Not really. Leon and me thought a broken arm and giant cut were awesome. Once I stopped screaming in pain, that is.”

“I bet you were screaming. Broken bones hurt.”

“No kid- ah!”

Merlin has taken Arthur's lack of focus to press into his arse. Arthur gasps and clutches the pillow as he's stretched. It hurts but he's so hard it mixes with the little jolts of pleasure and makes him a bit crazy. He yells again as Merlin's seated and tries to move but Merlin has a hand in the small of his back, hushing him.

“Stay still a minute, let yourself accommodate me. Shh. All right? Too much pain?”

Arthur shakes his head and mewls. Merlin is pressing against his prostate and Arthur is shivering under him, gasping and whimpering as his erection presses itself into the bed.

“What?”

“You're uuhn! Huh, uh. Merlin.”

Arthur pants a bit and gasps, then comes. His eyes close and tears leak down his cheeks as Merlin, surprised at the clenching muscles, swells a bit and presses Arthur's prostrate. Arthur cries out and tightens his grip on the pillow.

“Arthur? Are you okay?”

“Ahhh, ahhh, uh.”

Merlin moves to try and see Arthur and the shift takes him away from Arthur's prostate. Arthur sighs in relief and relaxes, boneless. Merlin pauses, then works it out and burst into laughter.

“Oh, oh, you silly... why didn't you say?”

The laughter makes Arthur laugh as well and Merlin yells in his turn as Arthur's muscles clamp. Arthur feels him swell and then Merlin's pulling out and the weight and warmth is gone. Arthur flops over onto his back, grinning.

“That was weird.”

“Yup.”

Arthur watches Merlin ties up the condom he hadn't noticed and toss it in Gwen's bin. He giggles, thinking about her finding it Merlin smiles at him and walks back across the room, graceful and naked. Arthur sighs and raises an arm for Merlin to sneak under and they lie quietly for a bit.

“Awkward sex. Nice.”

“It wasn't too bad.”

“Why didn't you just tell me to move?”

“It was intense! I couldn't find the right words!”

Merlin kisses Arthur's chin and brushes knuckles over Arthur's cheek, affectionate and soppy. Arthur closes his eyes and suddenly he feels stupid and small for his worries and bursts into tears. He's surprised and tries to pull away, to cover his embarrassment.

“Oh Arthur, you've not had a good week have you? Come here.”

Merlin tugs until Arthur's pressed against him all the way along their bodies then wraps his arms and legs around Arthur and presses Arthur's face into his shoulder. Arthur holds on and lets himself cry. He's tired and the stress and worry of the weeks Merlin's been gone just bursts out of him. His nose runs onto Merlin's skin but Merlin just pulls him closer so Arthur stops worrying.

“Shh. It's all right, I'm here. God, why won't you talk to me? You're going to end up... Don't worry, we'll sort everything. Shh. Shh, shh.”

Arthur shudders a bit and clings to Merlin. Merlin lets go with one arm and Arthur, to his embarrassment, starts crying harder. Merlin laughs and pulls the duvet over them, re-wraps his arm around Arthur and gets back to soothing nonsense.

“Not going anywhere, silly. It's all right. I'm right here. I won't let go.”

The patter goes on and Arthur's tears slow to shivering breaths and choked gasps and then to even breathing and a light doze and finally to a deeper sleep.

He wakes feeling tired but better than he has since he first started worrying about Merlin and his issues regarding drugs. He sighs and stretches, not quite ready to get up yet. He looks at the window and tries to judge the time. It's bright but not too bright. He turns as he hears laughter from the living room and smiles. Merlin. That's incentive to get up.

He rolls off the bed and pulls on his boxers and a sweat shirt before padding out with a yawn. Merlin's got the TV on and is eating a sandwich and he looks utterly perfect. Arthur leans against the door frame to watch him for a bit.

“Arthur, stop staring and come watch Hot Fuzz.”

“I like staring at you.”

Merlin leans his head back to smile but doesn't otherwise respond so Arthur goes to sit next to him. Merlin tugs until they're practically on top of one another then snuggles under Arthur's arm.

“Hungry?”

“Mm.”

Merlin leans forward and gets Arthur a sandwich from the plate. They eat in silence for a bit, watching Simon Pegg and Nick Frost talk to a farmer about guns and find a sea mine. It's comfortable here, with Merlin. Arthur relaxes further and smiles, content for the moment.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better. Good.”

“Still tired?”

“Yeah. But not so bad.”

“Good. That means I can ask you what the fuck is going on.”

Arthur shrugs. He's talked it over with Gwen and Leon but he hasn't really hit on what's really getting to him yet. He doesn't want to. It's embarrassing.

“Come on, if you don't tell me I can't do anything. I trusted you, why can't you do the same for me?”

“That's what Gwen said.”

“She's smart. Now give.”

“Fine. I am not good at change. You've wrecked my routine and spoilt my admittedly always horrible summer, made me worry and scared me. I don't like not being able to go home and be alone. You're always there!”

Merlin opens his mouth at that but Arthur goes on.

“Not physically. You're always in my head, always present. It's driving me crazy. I was happy! I was a boring, stuck in a rut history teacher with two friends and a difficult sister. I spent my weekends reading, lying in the garden with my neighbour's kid and ignoring Leon and Gwen! Now you're... there. I can't... everything's changing and I-”

“'Am not good with change'. Yeah. I've got it. Hey, hey!”

Arthur looks at Merlin and Merlin smiles and cups his face.

“Arthur, idiot, prat. Breathe you dollophead, it'll help. Oxygen good, suffocation bad. Come on.”

Arthur copies Merlin's breathing pattern. He hadn't realised but he's panting and gasping and it's difficult to stop. He hasn't had a proper panic attack since Morgana rang him all those years ago and told him she was in trouble. He shuts the memory out, pushes away the other instances out of his head (Leon's fallen off the roof, Morgana cut herself, his father is late, his father is late, his father is late, his mother...).

“Oh Arthur, you completely screwed up man. I really do love you rather a lot.”

“Not screwed up. Just not good at things changing.”

“I know. You're a bit over the top about it.”

Arthur laughs and rubs their noses together. Merlin's hand curls around Arthur's neck and they kiss properly.

“Okay? Better?”

“Yeah. Just tired still.”

“You worry a lot, don't you?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose you've always had people to look out for, to look after.”

“Maybe.”

“Well you don't have to look after me. My problems, you can know them and help me but you don't have to carry them yourself. We're here for each other, to look after each other. I'm not your responsibility and you're not mine. We're just...”

“Okay. I get it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Doesn't mean I won't worry, won't freak out.”

“That's okay. I love you, I don't care about your flaws. Arthur, you were ready to accept me when you thought I was a dealer! Of the same kind of shit that got Morgana...”

“Raped. She was raped.”

“Have you ever said that before?”

“Not to her.”

“No, not to her.”

“Or to Dad. Or Gwen. Leon, once. To the counsellor I saw. To you.”

“Okay.”

“She can't say it, won't believe it. Because he didn't penetrate her she thinks it didn't count.”

“I know.”

“Okay. Can we not talk for a bit? My head hurts.”

Merlin shifts so Arthur can lean against him and they go back to Nick Frost and Simon Peg. Arthur drifts off as Simon Peg clops down through Wells on a horse. He dreams about riding, about falling off the horse. He's had the dream before. His mother will come and soothe his hurts and then laugh at him and run away. He won't be able to chase her because of his scraped knee. But this time it's Merlin who comes and he ignores Arthur's hurts. He pulls Arthur up and wraps an arm round his waist and they walk back to a house.

Merlin doesn't run away.

“...so you said-”

“I know! We were both there, Gwen!”

“It was funny, though.”

“How's my brother, Merlin?”

Arthur, about to open his eyes, settles against Merlin to listen. Merlin's hand is in his hair and the TV's off.

“Well, let's see. He cried a lot, slept a lot, cried some more and told me he doesn't deal well with change.”

Morgana laughs and Gwen huffs.

“That's an under statement. Arthur is horrible with change.”

“Yes, Gwen. You could have warned me he would freak out, by the way.”

“Why would I know?”

“Because he's your best friend?”

“Leon's that. I'm just Gwen. Oh, who am I kidding? We both are. Okay. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get scared and leave. Arthur doesn't deserve to be hurt, not even by you.”

“Who we love, by the way. How long until we can tour the world with you?”

“Ten months. And Arthur has to come.”

“Only out of school hours, then.”

“I guess next summer? I'll plan it.”

“You know, Arthur might be wonderful but he's also a bit fat.”

Arthur starts at that. Merlin sounds amused and thoughtful.

“And he has this giant spot on his back. And he-”

“Hey!”

Merlin grins at him and winks. Arthur glares.

“Thought you might be awake. Eaves dropping?”

Arthur scowls and Merlin rubs the line on his forehead with a soft smile, bending to kiss him. Arthur forgives him and leans up to kiss properly. Morgana and Gwen yell and pretend to throw up and Arthur remembers the condom and bursts out laughing in Merlin's face, sitting up to whisper in Merlin's ear.

“What do you think they'll do when they find the condom?”

Merlin looks horrified, then grins and jumps up.

“Well, we'd better be going! Thanks for the bed, Gwen!”

“How are you getting anywhere?”

Arthur jumps up too and goes to get his jeans and socks.

“Bus!”

They escape, giggling and holding onto each other, half dressed (Arthur has no socks, no shirt under his jumper and only one shoe properly on). They run to the bus stop and just catch the bus to Arthur's. They're sitting in the kitchen when the phone rings and Arthur puts it on speaker phone so they can both listen to Morgana roaring and screeching. Merlin laughs until he falls off his chair and Arthur decides maybe change isn't so awful after all. They'll work on it.

For now, he has Merlin. Morgana's happy. Gwen and Leon are happy. He and Merlin are happy, happy, happy. They have the summer to work out a routine that will soothe Arthur's nerves and they have the sun, the garden and each other. Yeah, they'll work it out. How could they not? They have everything to gain.


End file.
